a Red String and a Green Sweater [Part 1]
Saturday, January 27th, 2018 23:12![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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sanoyuukiTitle: a Red String and a Green Sweater
Author: Me aka Yuuki
Beta: that dear 'shorry' of mine,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sukarideepsoul
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Genre: AU, Romance, a bit of Angst
Rating: PG up to NC-17
Length: One shot
Summary: Sakurai Sho believes in soulmates, he really does. And when he falls in love with Aiba Masaki he knew that he was the one. Even now, after 17 years since the last time he saw him, he still thinks that. But are they really destined to each other?
Disclaimer: wish I could own them but sadly I don't
Notes: this ff was written for the "Secret Santa Sakuraiba" organized by the Sakuraiba's LINE group, in which I'm in, finished some days ago. The person I had to wrote to was Destiny.
a Red String and a Green Sweater - Part 1
“Is something bothering you?” the man sitting in front of me asked.
“Apart from being stuck in an elevator?” I asked back not even trying to hide the sarcasm.
I wasn't an impolite person but I wasn't the easy-going type either. And adding the fact of being stuck in an elevator at the 10th floor of a building, meters away from the ground, after a whole day of work and going home late in the evening, it resulted in my annoying attitude.
That man though didn’t react at all at first, only after several seconds he smiled and muffled a laugh.
“Why are you laughing?” I questioned confused and maybe a bit irritated.
“You already had that troubled expression when you entered the elevator. Don’t blame your bad mood on this poor machine, it’s not like it likes to be stuck!” he stated seeming to enjoy, way too much, my current facial expression.
“Ohno Satoshi by the way” he said right after.
“Sakurai Sho” I mumbled in response.
After that little conversation, if it could even be called like that, silence fell between us. I actually preferred this rather to listening to the other, not really because his tone bothered me but because it reminded me of someone. That same person who I was trying not to think about for over the past 17 years. Without results of course.
“We’re going to stay here for a little while so…if you want to talk about it-“
“Why should I talk about my love life with a total stranger?” I said before realizing what I had just revealed.
“Ah, so it’s a love problem. Just as I thought” he smiled smugly before adding “Tell me. I promise that I won’t say it to anyone and maybe it will be good even for you. I might give you some advices” he tried to persuade me.
I was already reluctant at the idea of exposing my love life to my friends, how was I supposed to talk about it to someone I had just met?
The memories from those years were just too…beautiful that I didn't want to think about them. I could fall in love even more than I had already done in the past, and more than I was still doing in the present. But talking about it…maybe would it be for the best? Maybe, the only reason why I was still stuck in this love, was just because I had never talked about it to someone? If I let everything out…could I be able to move on?
I looked at the man, who was staring back at me, and decided to ask a question before revealing everything about myself.
“Do you believe in soulmates?”
Ohno thought about it for a while, he seemed to search for words to explain his thoughts.
“I don’t believe that we humans have a soulmate but I do believe that there are only a few people in this world who can match us perfectly. People with whom we have a high percentage to get along with” he replied calmly.
“He didn’t reply with a clear ‘No’ so he won’t make fun of me…right?” I thought after reasoning over his reply.
“I believe in soulmates, really much. I’m a hopeless romantic after all. I’m so hopeless that, even though I had several relationships, I still love the same person I met 20 years ago…I have never stopped a second. I can’t stop to love him, I don’t want to stop to love him because I know that he is my soulmate. I know that whatever I will do, whoever person I will meet, it would be in vain. Because he is the only one that completes me”
Only after I finished talking I realized that I was smiling. Ah...I was really in love with that guy. Only talking about him made me smile, was I still a teenager or what?! It wouldn’t surprise me if someone laughed at me if he would see me in this moment, but on the contrary, Ohno looked at me earnestly.
“It’s going to be a long story so it’s better if I make myself comfortable” he stated and sat up properly, facing my way, and being ready to listen.
I sighed. A weird sensation, that I couldn’t explain, made me trust this person even though it was the first time that I met him. It seemed that I really accepted to confess everything to this man. Well, not like I had something to lose on doing it. At least there would be a witness of my sad and never ending love.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
20 years ago...
I hated rain. Especially when I was coming home from school and the weather, from sunny, it became suddenly rainy. My house was located on a hill so all the way back was a journey through rivers and I always ended up wet and with a cold. But today it was the worst case, in fact, the weather was also windy. That was why I found myself chasing my umbrella, which had flown away, under the heavy rain.
After what it seemed an eternity to me, I managed to grab it, pity that it was broken and now it was just a useless umbrella.
“Why did I even waste time to chase it then?!” I yelled in a burst of frustration.
Since I was too far away from home, I decided to run to the nearest building with an awning that I could see from where I was. Since I ran at full speed without actually looking where I was going, the last thing I knew was that I tripped and fell on the wet road.
“Are you okay?” I heard someone asking me.
The owner of that voice helped me to stand up and then we both walked to the awning.
“Thank you” I managed to say despite the sudden coughing I was having.
Then, remembering the question that he asked me, I replied “Oh, I’m fine. I think that I've just caught a cold thanks to this annoying rain”
“I admit that, when it comes suddenly like this, it can be annoying but you know the rain is really beautiful. People only think that the rain is something related to sadness but for me it's related to happiness. Rain relaxes me and even though I’m all wet now, and I will probably catch a cold like you did, I still love it. And what’s more is that after the rain, a rainbow always comes”
It was after these words that I glanced at the guy next to me. He was a bit shorter than me, his facial features were really gentle, his hair was all wet and some tufts were stuck to his forehead covering slightly his eyes. When I looked closely, I realized that his eyes were shining while looking at the pouring rain, he was smiling. Then my eyes caught a mole he had on his cheek and, even before became aware of that, I was touching it.
The boy seemed to wake up from his thoughts and looked at me. In that exact moment I felt my heart skip a beat.
“He is looking at me…” I thought. My blood was throbbing only because of that.
“Is there something wrong?” he questioned with the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard.
“Nothing…in particular” I muttered, my hand still connected to his cheek.
“I see…” he said shyly. My heartbeat became even faster just by looking at him being shy…No, he wasn’t shy, he was uncomfortable. I bet having a guy caressing your cheek wasn't the thing you wished for the most.
“I’m sorry” I mumbled and was ready to separate my hand from him but I couldn’t move it. Or better, I didn’t want to move it.
It was when he placed his hand over mine, in order to remove it, that I went out of control. While leaning in, I brought him near with my hand and, as if it was the most natural thing for me, I kissed him.
It was just a peck, nothing else, but it felt like the best thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. When I withdrew, the first thing I saw was his shocked face. Yeah, what I did was a mistake. The worst thing was that even if he wore such an expression, I still thought that he was beautiful. And this led to the second mistake of that day.
“I think I like you”
The guy nodded totally dumbfounded and, in a glimpse of an eye, he ran away from me.
“Good job Sakurai, you didn’t even know his name and you kissed him and confessed to him. And you even acquired bonus points for making him run” I addressed myself sarcastically.
My mind was blank, actually it was full of not-so-nice words directed to myself, but while looking at the rain which was still falling, only one single thought was crossing my mind.
“The rain isn’t that bad after all…”
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
3 years later…
My mood was more cheerful than usual that day. The weather forecasts said that it would rain in the morning and I had already smelled the rain’s scent as soon as I went out from home.
I raised my head and saw how the grey clouds were approaching my school. Spontaneously my lips curved up in a smile. It was crazy how I could still hold on an episode that happened years ago, but I couldn't help it. Everytime I thought about it, I couldn't stop my heart from beating faster and my mind from daydreaming about him. I would imagine him and me again under the rain, how I would feel again my lips against his, how I would hold him back from running away from me and kiss him all over again.
“Since when have I become such a sucker for kisses?” I asked myself ironically, but to my surprise I received a reply.
“Since you kissed that stranger and acted as a pervert?” at the hearing of that teasing voice, my smile had already disappeared.
“Could you please stop with this story Nino? I didn’t act as a pervert!”
“You totally did! That’s why he ran away, it’s obvious”
I sighed and walked faster for leaving him behind. Only when I entered in the school, changed my shoes and almost reached my class, he caught up with me.
“What you said to me yesterday…I thought about it actually. You know all that soulmates stuff” he started when we walked in our classroom.
“Don’t tell me that-“ I began already excited but he raised a hand and glared at me before I could continue.
“I've just said that I thought about it. And my final words are: soulmates don’t exist. What you call ‘soulmate’ is just a person you fall in love with and when the love ends you simply move on to the next soulmate”
“You really don’t have a heart” I declared serious while sitting on my chair.
“Just think about it: you say that this ‘rain boy’ is your soulmate and that you are destined to be with him. Then why have you never met him since that day?” he questioned while sitting on his seat too.
“It’s not like I decide when I meet him, it’s fate the one working on the timing. As far as we know, I could meet him again when I will be forty”
“You can’t plan to wait all these years for just meeting him! You’re crazy! You know that, right?!”
“I don’t plan to do that! Of course I want to meet him soon! Even right in this moment if that was possible…” I glanced at the window, watching the cloudy sky, and internally praying the fate to bring me to him as soon as possible.
“This really sucks, I have to rush home because I forgot to bring the umbrella with me. I will be all wet and cold, I’m sure that I will catch a fever. What if I fell and-“
“I understood Nino, I will take you home” I said before he could add something else, I already knew what he was aiming for.
“You’re a lifesaver, thank you~”
As soon as we exited the building, I opened my umbrella and we both started to walk in the direction of Nino’s house. Our houses were in the same neighbourhood so it wasn’t a bother for me to accompany him. The only annoying thing was that we would have to go through a park for reaching his house. Every time there were many stray dogs and cats, and a lot of times I ended up running for dear life because I was chased by them.
And now, on my way back, I had already chills only by approaching it. For the first meters everything went fine but, just at the middle of it, some dogs started to gather near me.
“This is bad, this is bad, this is really bad” I kept on repeating to myself.
For sure I wasn't the bravest guy in the world, but I understood how much of a coward I am when a dog barked and my legs dashed as they had never done before. In just some seconds I was out of the park.
I looked back without stopping for checking if those dogs were chasing me. Seeing that there weren’t any I sighed in relief, but before I could turn my head again, I bumped into a pole and fell on the floor totally stunned.
“It hurts…” I hissed bringing my hands over my left side of the face.
“Hey…Are you okay? Are you hurt?” someone asked me.
I mumbled an “I’m okay” and with the help of that person, I managed to sit up.
As soon as I raised my head and my eyes met the other’s ones, my heart started to throb madly. Even though my mind had gone blank, I could see how he had the same reaction as mine. His cheeks became red and his breath irregular.
“You…” I whispered still in a state of shock.
The guy opened his mouth trying to say something but then he gave up and closed it again. He took my arms and helped me to stand up and it was in that moment that I realized how much he had grown.
“You have the same height as me now, you got taller” I stated smiling.
He nodded, smiling back as a reply, before saying “You have a little cut on your lips, it’s bleeding” and pointing at my lower lip.
I immediately touched it and, looking at my hand, it was indeed bleeding. Before I could even start to freak out, he put a handkerchief over my lips.
“You just have to go home and disinfect it. Since it’s small, it will heal fast” he reassured me.
“Thank you” I only managed to say.
I still couldn’t believe that the fate really granted my prays. My soulmate was right in front of me. I finally met him again after years, in which I had to live with only the memory of him running away from me.
When I paid more attention, I noticed an important thing. He wasn't giving any sign of going away. Did he…did he want to stay? We were standing here just looking at each other and probably he was loving it as much as I do. And I had the confirmation just seconds after.
“I’m Aiba Masaki” he stretched out his hand and I took it without second thoughts.
“I’m Sakurai Sho” I talked with too much excitement and this affected even my hand that refused to let go of the other’s one.
Looking from outside we could seem really weird people, shaking hands for what it seemed hours, but in that moment, the only thing that mattered for me was Aiba Masaki.
It was impossible to put in words what were the sensations running through my body. From my hand, a powerful feeling was spreading throughout my whole body. And as I was looking at his eyes, I lost sense of time and place. He was in front of me, he was looking at me, he was holding my hand, he was…laughing?
“You’re so drowned in my eyes to not realize that it’s still raining?” he questioned amused.
In an instant, I recovered both the sense of time and space and picked up my umbrella that was still on the street. And again, as 3 years ago, I discovered it broken, probably due to the rough impact I had with the pole.
“Why does it always end like this?” I whined and lowered my head in discomfort.
I was looking at the ground, seeing how the rain drops were falling fast and heavy, but then they suddenly stopped. I raised my head and saw how Aiba came near me and covered us both with his umbrella.
“I will bring you home, I can’t let the person I like get soaked and fall ill” he said.
At first I only nodded, thanking him, not paying too much attention on his words after hearing ‘I will bring you home’. It hit me only when we were walking side by side that he said ‘the person I like’. Useless to say that I screamed in the middle of the street, breaking the silence that was over us.
“D-do you l-like me?” I muttered looking at him in disbelief.
“It’s weird, right? Just as I thought…”
“It’s not weird! I fell in love with you too that time! It’s because we are soulmates!” I said excitedly taking his free hand.
“Soulmates?”
“I will explain to you another time. You just have to know that I love you, from the bottom of my heart”
“You’re…You’re really fast in this kind of things” he affirmed smiling.
“Fast? And I didn’t even ask you if you want to be my boyfriend yet. A thing that I’m going to do now-“ before I could finish my sentence, his lips were already on mine.
After three long years I could finally taste him again. He tasted a little salty but there was a trace of sweetness that I ended up searching for with my tongue. But before I could go deeper in my research, he parted away from me.
“These aren’t things to do in the middle of the street, don’t you think?” he asked only a few inches away from my face.
I nodded absentmindedly, my faculty of thinking swept away by the previous kiss, and intertwining my hand with his, I guided him to my house.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
“Good morning!” I exclaimed happily as soon as I came in the classroom.
“It seems that someone is in a good mood today” Nino stated looking at me while I was approaching him.
“Everyone would be after having the person he loves by his side” I replied still smiling widely.
“Sorry Sho but I’m not gay and-“
“Of course I wasn’t talking about you, idiot!” I slapped playfully his head as he laughed and then I added “Come with me, I want you to meet someone” and dragged him out of the school’s gate.
Masaki, who was waiting outside, straightened his posture and adjusted his uniform when he saw Nino and me coming. When we were in front of Masaki, before I could even introduce him, Nino patted my shoulder enthusiastically.
“Finally you decided to leave behind that ‘rain boy’ and move on. I’m so proud of you. I bet he wasn’t even pretty, this guy here is surely better. And even though I never met that guy, I bet he was a jerk” he said with a firm tone.
I could see how Aiba was trying to hide his laugh while I was feeling embarrassed for my friend.
“Nino, actually…” I started and then moved by Masaki’s side saying “He is the ‘rain boy’…” while pointing at him.
“Nice to meet you Ninomiya-san, Sho talked about you a lot and insisted that we two had to meet” he said politely before bowing.
Nino was totally speechless. He had his mouth wide open and couldn’t utter a word. His eyes though were very active since they started to scan thoroughly the other. After several seconds, he took a big breath and finally spoke.
“You were whining yesterday because you wanted to meet him and this morning you come with him at school” he said matter-of-factly.
He seemed that he was reasoning over something, probably our encounter. My theory was proven right when he spoke again.
“You two met yesterday afternoon?!” he asked surprised.
“Yes. And we are a couple now”
“You’re kidding me. This can’t be possible. You aren’t this crazy to start a relationship with a person you just…No wait you are this crazy actually”
“Nino, I know that it seems very weird and crazy for you but we love each other. We truly do” I took Masaki’s hand and kissed it, not minding to show publicly my love for him.
Nino seemed to think about it and just nodded and bowed to Aiba, introducing himself. Then the latter excused himself since he would be late if he didn’t hurry up. His school was near ours but he was still going to be late if he would stay a little more with us.
When his body disappeared from my eyesight, I turned to Nino, who was staring at me as if I was an alien. I raised my eyebrows , like asking if something was wrong , and he shook his head as a reply and walked away.
I understand how absurd it could seem to Nino, since he didn’t believe in all those cheesy relationships or everlasting love stories. But at the same time, I wanted him to understand it and accept it because he was my best friend since I was a child. After all, it’s normal to want the understanding of one of the most important people for you.
When I walked in the classroom, Nino was already sitting on his chair with his chest facing the back of it. He looked at me and gestured me with his hand to sit on my chair as well.
“I thought about it and came to a conclusion” he started as soon as I was in front of him.
I didn’t reply, I just waited in silence for his next words.
“I accept the fact that you went totally crazy and started a relationship with that ‘rain boy’”
“Don’t tell me that finally you understood-“
“Stop your wild fantasies Sakurai. I said that I accept that, but this doesn’t mean that I understand the reason why you fell in love with a total stranger and even asked him to be your boyfriend”
“Well, it’s half of the result I wanted. But I’m sure that I’m going to make a 100% success! I swear that you will start to believe in soulmates when you will see how Masaki and I love each other” I said being strong-minded.
Before we could continue our conversation the bell rang and the teacher came in the classroom.
“Oh what a pity that I can’t listen to your deep speeches about eternal love” he exclaimed, the sarcasm very evident.
I just laughed it off and opened the math book, more because I had to since my gaze was already directed toward the window.
“Have a good day, Masaki”
“Aah~ My head is still hurting as hell” Nino complained while we were exiting the building.
“At least from now on you will stop sleeping during lessons”
“You are not better since you always day-dream about that guy” he retorted back.
“But at least I have my eyes opened-“ I stopped immediately when I saw Aiba standing before the school’s gate.
“Sho!” he called out to me while waving at me.
In just some seconds I was already in front of him, my smile almost big as my whole face.
“Why are you here? Didn’t we say to meet up at the konbini between my school and yours?” I asked delightfully surprised.
“Yeah but…I couldn’t wait” he replied shyly.
Even though he lowered his head, I could still notice his cheeks becoming red like a tomato.
“I’m happy to hear that. I feel the same” I whispered so only him could hear me.
He raised his head and smiled and, just with that view, my heart skipped a beat.
“I’m going home. Sho-kun, Aiba-san, have fun” a voice behind me said.
Before I could reply, Nino had already mixed in the crowd of students heading home. And before I could reason if he did that for leaving us alone or because he was uncomfortable with that situation, Masaki grabbed my hand and started to drag me along the street.
“Masaki, can I ask you something?” I said breaking the silence that was over us since we left the school.
After deciding where to go, at last my house was chosen, no one talked or even tried to start a conversation. But it wasn’t uncomfortable, it was…relaxing. Being with him, our hands intertwined, no words were needed. That was already my paradise and even though I knew him only since yesterday, I was already addicted.
“Sure, what is it?” he asked back with a smile.
“Why do you like me? I know that we still don’t know each other well, but I don’t think that for you was love at first sight like it was for me. You ran away when I kissed you so…you must have thought something that made you fall in love with me after. What was that?”
His eyes went up to look at the sky and a thoughtful frown appeared on his face.
"That was my first kiss" he said after some seconds before adding "I was so shocked that a stranger had just kissed me, I thought you were some kind of pervert so I ran away"
"Nino was right after all" I thought biting my lower lip.
"When I arrived home and walked in my bedroom, I remember to have touched my lips and I think it was then that everything started. For the next days, even though I wanted to forget it, I was always thinking about that day and about that boy who had stole my first kiss. But the more I thought about you...the more I was falling in love with you without even realizing it"
"When did you realize your feelings?" I asked, eager to hear the other's story.
"When I realized that every day, in the crowd, I was searching for you"
The only image of Masaki thinking about me was making my heartbeat go crazy. He must have noticed it since he chuckled a little when he looked at me.
"I'm so glad to have met you again Sho" his hand squeezing mine.
"Me too" I said looking back at him and smiling sincerely.
"Only God knows how much"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
1 month later...
"Nino!" I shouted as soon as I reached my seat.
The younger jumped up on his chair, totally startled by my sudden scream.
"Why are you always so hyped up first thing in the morning?!" he complained while turning to me.
"Finally it's finished"
"What?" he asked confused.
"The present for Masaki's birthday. Well, it can be considered a Christmas' present too"
"Come on, let me see it" he urged me.
I opened my schoolbag and handed to him the hand-knitted green sweater.
"My grandmother knitted it. Isn't it beautiful?" I asked excited.
"Sorry but my attention is all focused on the red heart at the front" he said while staring down at the knitted shape.
"That is the best thing, right? My grandmother said that it would be nice to add something on it. You know, for making it special and different from all the others one" I explained still very excited about it.
"You could have put his initials. It's nicer and... less showy. I mean, he is a boy. Boys don't wear clothes with hearts" he commented.
"It's not like he has to wear it for going out. I was aiming for something more indoor. For example, when he will feel cold at night he can wear it. Or he can wear it when we're having a date at his house or mine-"
"You're already fantasizing about it. You're the worst" he declared while glaring at me.
"I'm sorry to always repeat myself but you're truly heartless" I hissed sitting on my chair and took the sweater from his hands.
"It isn't so bad...right?" I thought while looking down at it.
The bitter comments of Nino made my excitement become nervousness. Would Aiba dislike this gift? Would he not even accept it? No, he was too kind so he would accept it even if it was disgusting for him. Should I just give him a pair of gloves? Or a scarf?
"Hey" Nino pushed jokingly my shoulder making me look up.
"He will like it. He is as cheesy as you even though he doesn't show it" he reassured me smiling.
I smiled back at him, internally thanking him.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
For exchanging our presents, Masaki and I decided to meet up under the awning where we met for the first time. Arrived 30 minutes earlier, I prepared myself to wait in the freezing cold of the 23rd of December. Or at least this was what I thought because just some minutes after, an absent-minded Aiba Masaki was coming in my direction.
"Masaki?" I asked.
His eyes blinked a few times and then he raised his head looking surprised.
"Why are you already here?"
"It was impossible to stay at home, I was too excited and ended up going out too early" I confessed, a little of embarrassment clear on my face.
"Same here" he said before leaving a kiss on my cheek.
"What were you thinking while coming here?" I questioned, trying to hide the sudden nervousness mixed with excitement that took my body.
He didn't answer immediately, he seemed to think over the reply to give me, and after several seconds he said "I was thinking how you would react to your present"
I looked away, trying to hide my blushing, and without wasting other time I handed to him the sweater.
"Since it's neither your birthday nor Christmas yet, I won't say any special speech. Just take this" I watched how his lips curved in a wide smile, which became even bigger when Masaki's eyes met the red heart on the sweater.
"Whenever you wear it, you will remember me and my feelings for you since that heart represents mine. You can consider this as another confession" I added and before he could ask, I replied his inner question "My grandmother knitted it. So this sweater is the only one in the world, be sure to cherish it"
"I will" he said with sparkling eyes.
Even though he didn't say 'Thank you' or any of the kind, I knew that he appreciated the present just by looking in his brown eyes.
"My present is not as beautiful as this...I'm really sorry..." he whispered suddenly.
I didn't have the time to ask anything, since he took out from his pocket something that looked like a red string. After staring at it for some time more, I noticed that a bell was tied to it.
"You always talk about soulmates and once you told me that they are connected by invisible red strings. Even though I don't believe in them, I admit that the more I stay with you, the more I believe in soulmates. Because I'm really starting to think that you are my soulmate"
My mind started to go crazy bit by bit when I heard those words. Knowing that my feelings reached Masaki was the most important thing I could ever wish.
"I wanted to give you a red string that we can actually see and touch, so whenever you look at it, you will know that I'm by your side. Wherever you are. And also, probably you are wondering what this bell is. I wanted to join together the 'symbol' of the red string and the 'symbol' of the mistletoe. You know that when you are under the mistletoe you have to kiss someone, right? Well if you shake the string and make the bell ring, it means that you want a kiss" his voice slightly faded away towards the end, probably due to the embarrassment he was feeling.
"Masaki..."
"I know that is such a stupid present-" he stopped as soon as I took the string in my hand and shook it, making the bell rang.
I smiled widely at him, who smiled back too, and without any more words we brought each other closer and our lips met. The cold, that I once felt, now had disappeared, making room for a warmth which started to spread from my lips to my whole body.
When his tongue traced the corner of my lower lip, I broke the kiss whispering to him a simple "My house". Receiving a nod as a reply, I took his hand and started to run to reach it as soon as possible.
In all my life I always hated my parents' jobs. Due to their busy schedule, they were rarely at home. Returning home, without receiving anything as a reply to my "I'm back" was the normality for me. I had always hated that empty house, but who could have ever imagined that I would bless it someday.
As Masaki and me were kissing and moaning loudly, I was realizing how lucky we were. And we were only grinding our hips against each other, I didn’t want to imagine what would have happened if we had gone all the way.
It was the first time that I was feeling such an intense sensation. The more I tasted the more I wanted and Masaki was giving to me everything he had.
Then while staring at me, Masaki smiled and whispered something that I didn't catch. But before being able to ask what he said, he let out a loud moan and came in his boxers.
After few thrusts and kisses, I came too closing my eyes and screaming his name. When I opened them, his lips still had the smile from before and this time I smiled back too.
"Before...what did you say?" I asked after minutes of silence.
I loved having Masaki in my arms but I couldn't help myself to wonder about that phrase I didn't hear.
He raised his head from my chest and looked at me. His gaze was somehow strange, it wasn't relaxed and warm like every other time he looked at me. It was...sadder.
"I guess it's the moment" he sighed and sat properly on the bed, leaning his back on the headboard.
I did the same and waited for him to explain himself.
"I said 'I will miss you' before"
"We already talked about this, I will miss you too. But it's the only chance I have for spending some time with my parents, so I have to go to the family trip no matter what-"
"It isn't because of it. It's a total different matter" he declared firmly.
I tried to say something but the words didn't come out from my mouth. I was totally confused on what was happening.
"Earlier today you asked me what I was thinking. I replied that I was thinking about your reaction when you would see my present...That was the first time I lied to you" he confessed.
"W-what do you mean?" I questioned stuttering slightly.
"It wasn't totally false, it's true that I was thinking about your reaction. The lie was that it wasn't the moment when I would give you the present, the moment was when I would give you the news"
"News? About what?"
"About me going to China after graduation"
For some instants my mind was empty. But soon after, it started to be full of questions. Why? When was it decided? And were his parents the ones to make this decision? Or was him who decided this? Was it a sudden choice? Or was it since time ago that Masaki was considering this option?
I had to hold my head with my hands and close my eyes.
"My father went there during his 20s for learning as much as possible about Chinese cuisine and its tradition, and he wants me to walk over the same path he did" he explained.
Seeing that I was at loss for words, he continued talking.
"I'm sorry to have ruined this night, but I thought it was right to tell you as soon as possible. Otherwise you would have scolded me for weeks if I had waited a day more" he laughed lightly trying to brighten up the atmosphere.
I laughed too, accepting his attempt to lift up the mood, and turned to him. Many things crossed my mind. Bad ones and good ones but at the end only one thing mattered to me and that was Masaki.
"I guess it can't be helped right? I mean, we're talking about your future. I don't have the right to say anything about it so I have only two options: being happy and support you or screaming and going crazy while telling you horrible things. And since I'm not a sucker for drama, I will choose the first option"
"I knew it" he exclaimed taking my face in his hands.
"What?"
"That I have the best boyfriend on earth" he smiled and kissed me.
"If he is happy then I'm happy too"
Well, I would lie if I said that I was the happiest guy in the world. But I couldn't be selfish and force Masaki to stay here with me. He had to build his future as I had to build mine. So it was fine for me if he wanted to go to a different country for years. Even if we don't see each other, I will be happy for him...I...will be...happy, right?
"It's late, we should go to sleep Sho"
I woke up from my thoughts and glanced at the watch on my bedside table. It was already past midnight.
"Masaki" I called him while lying next to him.
"Mmh?" he said, his eyes already closed.
"Happy Birthday"
"Thanks Sho-chan" a kiss was placed on my lips.
"Goodnight"
"Goodnight Sho-chan" soon my lips received another kiss.
I closed my eyes and hugged him tightly. A question forming in my mind.
"Will I be happy?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
3 months later...
"Okay it's official. I, Ninomiya Kazunari, will admit defeat against your mind. I can't understand it anymore"
I looked at him and sighed as all the other times he had tried to say something funny.
"Seriously Sho, what is happening to you?" he asked whining.
"I already told you. It's March" I replied faintly.
"And weeks ago was February, and weeks before that was January. Every time I ask, you just state in which month we are. Are you having nostalgic feelings about school? Because you and your best friend will go separate ways and you will miss him?" he placed his chin on his hands and smiled as widely as he could.
"Of course I will miss you since we will go to different universities, but at least you won't go to China..." my voice faded away as soon as my lips pronounced that word.
"China?...Oh God, don't tell me that it's about Aiba again. We talked about it many times and you always start to blab about that it's right that he thinks about his future, that you can still text each other on LINE, that he will return, that you have to put his happiness before yours-"
"I'm not lying when I say those things, I truly believe them. It's just that recenlty he seems weird, always in his own thoughts...He will leave the day after graduation, so he can start to adjust to his new life before starting to work in the restaurant of his father's friend"
"Wait but graduation day is tomorrow, he will leave this soon? You never told me that!" he exclaimed surprised.
"What I'm more afraid about is that he wants to talk to me before leaving. He said that he has something important to tell me so he wants to meet me the morning of his flight"
"Maybe he wants to do a long speech regarding his feelings for you and so on. It's not that he is clearly saying to you 'I'm going to break up with you', right?" even though he said to not be able to understand me, he had just said out loud my biggest fear.
I sighed again and put my head on the desk. Every kind of thought had eaten up my sanity for the past 3 months. First if I was really going to be happy with Masaki's choice, then if our relationship would survive, and now if he wanted to break up with me and just put an end to our story.
"It will be okay Sho. I know that I have been saying this quite a lot recently but believe me. It's really going to be okay" he reassured me patting my head friendly.
Even though I didn't believe it, I wanted to do it. It was the only way to not lose my mind.
"Yeah, it will be okay..."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I was gripping tightly the red string in my pocket while walking on the street. By now I would bring it everywhere I went just for feeling that I wasn't alone, that Masaki was with me. But while walking to that awning that had seen the birth and the evolution of our story, I couldn't help but feel loneliness. It was as if my body and my mind had already given for sure the fact that, the relationship between Masaki and me, was going to end this evening. I wanted to tell them to shut up and that he wanted to see me one last time before going to China. But as I saw him waiting under the awning with the sweater I gave him in his hands, my heart clenched and my soul stopped to fight.
"He is going to break up with me"
When I was finally in front of him, I didn't say anything. Nor did he. It was like watching a movie that someone had already spoilt you, you know what will happen and you just wait for it.
"Even though is already March, it's still coolish in the early morning, right?" he said trying to start the conversation.
"You can even skip the friendly chat and just go right at it. I had already understood"
He looked at me with surprise. Actually, I was surprised too when I realized what I had said. Probably my mind was fed up with all the stress I was putting on it so it just wanted to finish soon all this mess.
"I thought about it every day. It was really hard for me but it's the right thing to do. Since you said that in love you have to put the other one before you, I decided to do it" he started.
I was taken aback by these words thus my eyes widened a bit.
"I can't tie up you with me. Not when I'm not here with you, it will be only selfish. You have a brilliant future right ahead of you and I can't hold you back"
"Masaki, what are you-"
"If you truly love someone, you will let him go if it is needed. That's why-"
"Masaki wait-"
"Forget me and go on with your life. You need to be happy and you deserve someone who can always be with you"
"But-"
"Do it for yourself Sho!" he screamed and pushed the green sweater in my arms.
I looked at it and just then I realized that some tears were running from my eyes.
"You have to think about yourself and-"
"Stop it! Shut up!" I yelled gripping tightly the sweater.
My body, which before had given up, and my mind, which just wanted to be calm, now were starting to change. They now wanted to fight.
"You know...I would have accepted it if you wanted to break up with me for living to the fullest your new life there. But...I can't accept it if you say that you're doing this for me"
Before he could reply, I raised my hand making him close his mouth.
"You say that I need to be happy. How can I be happy if it's without you? You say that I have to think about my future. How can I if I want you to be my future?"
I raised my head to look at him. He was crying too.
"We can make this work, I know that. So, please..." I tried to take his hand but he took a step back before I could reach it.
"I-I can't..." he whispered before adding, looking straight at me, "You should give your heart to someone who can really cherish it"
"It's not you the one who has to choose this. It's my heart and I decide to whom give it" I affirmed, trying again to make him give up.
He stayed silent for several seconds, looking at me in the eyes, as if he was trying to say something that unfortunately I wasn't understanding. Could it be that the distance between us was already this big? Could it be that our story had already ended and all my attempts were useless?
"I'm sorry Sho..." he said while lowering his head and closing his eyes.
I opened my mouth to try to persuade him again but I closed it immediately. After all...
"Why am I even trying?"
He raised his head, tears in his eyes, and whispered again a 'I'm sorry'. Then he turned and started to walk away but I stopped him by taking his wrist. When he was turning to me, I took the red string in my hand and brought it right after his eyes.
"I won't need you by my side anymore"
He took the string from my hand, I noticed how a tear fell on it, and put it inside his jacket's pocket.
"Goodbye Sho..." he said before walking away.
"Goodbye Masaki..." I replied back watching him from behind.
Probably I was stupid since I was letting go my soulmate but if Masaki had decided this...Who was I to force him to be with me? The sooner I got over it, the sooner I could fall in love again and make my heart forget him.
"As if that is even possible..." I thought sarcastically.
When Masaki turned the corner, I started to head back home, realizing just at that moment that I would never see him again.
"Maybe we will meet each other again. Maybe we will be together again. But for now, goodbye..."
I stopped for looking one last time at the awning then I walked away smiling bitterly.
End of Part 1
Author: Me aka Yuuki
Beta: that dear 'shorry' of mine,
sukarideepsoulPairing: Sakuraiba
Genre: AU, Romance, a bit of Angst
Rating: PG up to NC-17
Length: One shot
Summary: Sakurai Sho believes in soulmates, he really does. And when he falls in love with Aiba Masaki he knew that he was the one. Even now, after 17 years since the last time he saw him, he still thinks that. But are they really destined to each other?
Disclaimer: wish I could own them but sadly I don't
Notes: this ff was written for the "Secret Santa Sakuraiba" organized by the Sakuraiba's LINE group, in which I'm in, finished some days ago. The person I had to wrote to was Destiny.
a Red String and a Green Sweater - Part 1
“Is something bothering you?” the man sitting in front of me asked.
“Apart from being stuck in an elevator?” I asked back not even trying to hide the sarcasm.
I wasn't an impolite person but I wasn't the easy-going type either. And adding the fact of being stuck in an elevator at the 10th floor of a building, meters away from the ground, after a whole day of work and going home late in the evening, it resulted in my annoying attitude.
That man though didn’t react at all at first, only after several seconds he smiled and muffled a laugh.
“Why are you laughing?” I questioned confused and maybe a bit irritated.
“You already had that troubled expression when you entered the elevator. Don’t blame your bad mood on this poor machine, it’s not like it likes to be stuck!” he stated seeming to enjoy, way too much, my current facial expression.
“Ohno Satoshi by the way” he said right after.
“Sakurai Sho” I mumbled in response.
After that little conversation, if it could even be called like that, silence fell between us. I actually preferred this rather to listening to the other, not really because his tone bothered me but because it reminded me of someone. That same person who I was trying not to think about for over the past 17 years. Without results of course.
“We’re going to stay here for a little while so…if you want to talk about it-“
“Why should I talk about my love life with a total stranger?” I said before realizing what I had just revealed.
“Ah, so it’s a love problem. Just as I thought” he smiled smugly before adding “Tell me. I promise that I won’t say it to anyone and maybe it will be good even for you. I might give you some advices” he tried to persuade me.
I was already reluctant at the idea of exposing my love life to my friends, how was I supposed to talk about it to someone I had just met?
The memories from those years were just too…beautiful that I didn't want to think about them. I could fall in love even more than I had already done in the past, and more than I was still doing in the present. But talking about it…maybe would it be for the best? Maybe, the only reason why I was still stuck in this love, was just because I had never talked about it to someone? If I let everything out…could I be able to move on?
I looked at the man, who was staring back at me, and decided to ask a question before revealing everything about myself.
“Do you believe in soulmates?”
Ohno thought about it for a while, he seemed to search for words to explain his thoughts.
“I don’t believe that we humans have a soulmate but I do believe that there are only a few people in this world who can match us perfectly. People with whom we have a high percentage to get along with” he replied calmly.
“He didn’t reply with a clear ‘No’ so he won’t make fun of me…right?” I thought after reasoning over his reply.
“I believe in soulmates, really much. I’m a hopeless romantic after all. I’m so hopeless that, even though I had several relationships, I still love the same person I met 20 years ago…I have never stopped a second. I can’t stop to love him, I don’t want to stop to love him because I know that he is my soulmate. I know that whatever I will do, whoever person I will meet, it would be in vain. Because he is the only one that completes me”
Only after I finished talking I realized that I was smiling. Ah...I was really in love with that guy. Only talking about him made me smile, was I still a teenager or what?! It wouldn’t surprise me if someone laughed at me if he would see me in this moment, but on the contrary, Ohno looked at me earnestly.
“It’s going to be a long story so it’s better if I make myself comfortable” he stated and sat up properly, facing my way, and being ready to listen.
I sighed. A weird sensation, that I couldn’t explain, made me trust this person even though it was the first time that I met him. It seemed that I really accepted to confess everything to this man. Well, not like I had something to lose on doing it. At least there would be a witness of my sad and never ending love.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
20 years ago...
I hated rain. Especially when I was coming home from school and the weather, from sunny, it became suddenly rainy. My house was located on a hill so all the way back was a journey through rivers and I always ended up wet and with a cold. But today it was the worst case, in fact, the weather was also windy. That was why I found myself chasing my umbrella, which had flown away, under the heavy rain.
After what it seemed an eternity to me, I managed to grab it, pity that it was broken and now it was just a useless umbrella.
“Why did I even waste time to chase it then?!” I yelled in a burst of frustration.
Since I was too far away from home, I decided to run to the nearest building with an awning that I could see from where I was. Since I ran at full speed without actually looking where I was going, the last thing I knew was that I tripped and fell on the wet road.
“Are you okay?” I heard someone asking me.
The owner of that voice helped me to stand up and then we both walked to the awning.
“Thank you” I managed to say despite the sudden coughing I was having.
Then, remembering the question that he asked me, I replied “Oh, I’m fine. I think that I've just caught a cold thanks to this annoying rain”
“I admit that, when it comes suddenly like this, it can be annoying but you know the rain is really beautiful. People only think that the rain is something related to sadness but for me it's related to happiness. Rain relaxes me and even though I’m all wet now, and I will probably catch a cold like you did, I still love it. And what’s more is that after the rain, a rainbow always comes”
It was after these words that I glanced at the guy next to me. He was a bit shorter than me, his facial features were really gentle, his hair was all wet and some tufts were stuck to his forehead covering slightly his eyes. When I looked closely, I realized that his eyes were shining while looking at the pouring rain, he was smiling. Then my eyes caught a mole he had on his cheek and, even before became aware of that, I was touching it.
The boy seemed to wake up from his thoughts and looked at me. In that exact moment I felt my heart skip a beat.
“He is looking at me…” I thought. My blood was throbbing only because of that.
“Is there something wrong?” he questioned with the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard.
“Nothing…in particular” I muttered, my hand still connected to his cheek.
“I see…” he said shyly. My heartbeat became even faster just by looking at him being shy…No, he wasn’t shy, he was uncomfortable. I bet having a guy caressing your cheek wasn't the thing you wished for the most.
“I’m sorry” I mumbled and was ready to separate my hand from him but I couldn’t move it. Or better, I didn’t want to move it.
It was when he placed his hand over mine, in order to remove it, that I went out of control. While leaning in, I brought him near with my hand and, as if it was the most natural thing for me, I kissed him.
It was just a peck, nothing else, but it felt like the best thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. When I withdrew, the first thing I saw was his shocked face. Yeah, what I did was a mistake. The worst thing was that even if he wore such an expression, I still thought that he was beautiful. And this led to the second mistake of that day.
“I think I like you”
The guy nodded totally dumbfounded and, in a glimpse of an eye, he ran away from me.
“Good job Sakurai, you didn’t even know his name and you kissed him and confessed to him. And you even acquired bonus points for making him run” I addressed myself sarcastically.
My mind was blank, actually it was full of not-so-nice words directed to myself, but while looking at the rain which was still falling, only one single thought was crossing my mind.
“The rain isn’t that bad after all…”
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
3 years later…
My mood was more cheerful than usual that day. The weather forecasts said that it would rain in the morning and I had already smelled the rain’s scent as soon as I went out from home.
I raised my head and saw how the grey clouds were approaching my school. Spontaneously my lips curved up in a smile. It was crazy how I could still hold on an episode that happened years ago, but I couldn't help it. Everytime I thought about it, I couldn't stop my heart from beating faster and my mind from daydreaming about him. I would imagine him and me again under the rain, how I would feel again my lips against his, how I would hold him back from running away from me and kiss him all over again.
“Since when have I become such a sucker for kisses?” I asked myself ironically, but to my surprise I received a reply.
“Since you kissed that stranger and acted as a pervert?” at the hearing of that teasing voice, my smile had already disappeared.
“Could you please stop with this story Nino? I didn’t act as a pervert!”
“You totally did! That’s why he ran away, it’s obvious”
I sighed and walked faster for leaving him behind. Only when I entered in the school, changed my shoes and almost reached my class, he caught up with me.
“What you said to me yesterday…I thought about it actually. You know all that soulmates stuff” he started when we walked in our classroom.
“Don’t tell me that-“ I began already excited but he raised a hand and glared at me before I could continue.
“I've just said that I thought about it. And my final words are: soulmates don’t exist. What you call ‘soulmate’ is just a person you fall in love with and when the love ends you simply move on to the next soulmate”
“You really don’t have a heart” I declared serious while sitting on my chair.
“Just think about it: you say that this ‘rain boy’ is your soulmate and that you are destined to be with him. Then why have you never met him since that day?” he questioned while sitting on his seat too.
“It’s not like I decide when I meet him, it’s fate the one working on the timing. As far as we know, I could meet him again when I will be forty”
“You can’t plan to wait all these years for just meeting him! You’re crazy! You know that, right?!”
“I don’t plan to do that! Of course I want to meet him soon! Even right in this moment if that was possible…” I glanced at the window, watching the cloudy sky, and internally praying the fate to bring me to him as soon as possible.
“This really sucks, I have to rush home because I forgot to bring the umbrella with me. I will be all wet and cold, I’m sure that I will catch a fever. What if I fell and-“
“I understood Nino, I will take you home” I said before he could add something else, I already knew what he was aiming for.
“You’re a lifesaver, thank you~”
As soon as we exited the building, I opened my umbrella and we both started to walk in the direction of Nino’s house. Our houses were in the same neighbourhood so it wasn’t a bother for me to accompany him. The only annoying thing was that we would have to go through a park for reaching his house. Every time there were many stray dogs and cats, and a lot of times I ended up running for dear life because I was chased by them.
And now, on my way back, I had already chills only by approaching it. For the first meters everything went fine but, just at the middle of it, some dogs started to gather near me.
“This is bad, this is bad, this is really bad” I kept on repeating to myself.
For sure I wasn't the bravest guy in the world, but I understood how much of a coward I am when a dog barked and my legs dashed as they had never done before. In just some seconds I was out of the park.
I looked back without stopping for checking if those dogs were chasing me. Seeing that there weren’t any I sighed in relief, but before I could turn my head again, I bumped into a pole and fell on the floor totally stunned.
“It hurts…” I hissed bringing my hands over my left side of the face.
“Hey…Are you okay? Are you hurt?” someone asked me.
I mumbled an “I’m okay” and with the help of that person, I managed to sit up.
As soon as I raised my head and my eyes met the other’s ones, my heart started to throb madly. Even though my mind had gone blank, I could see how he had the same reaction as mine. His cheeks became red and his breath irregular.
“You…” I whispered still in a state of shock.
The guy opened his mouth trying to say something but then he gave up and closed it again. He took my arms and helped me to stand up and it was in that moment that I realized how much he had grown.
“You have the same height as me now, you got taller” I stated smiling.
He nodded, smiling back as a reply, before saying “You have a little cut on your lips, it’s bleeding” and pointing at my lower lip.
I immediately touched it and, looking at my hand, it was indeed bleeding. Before I could even start to freak out, he put a handkerchief over my lips.
“You just have to go home and disinfect it. Since it’s small, it will heal fast” he reassured me.
“Thank you” I only managed to say.
I still couldn’t believe that the fate really granted my prays. My soulmate was right in front of me. I finally met him again after years, in which I had to live with only the memory of him running away from me.
When I paid more attention, I noticed an important thing. He wasn't giving any sign of going away. Did he…did he want to stay? We were standing here just looking at each other and probably he was loving it as much as I do. And I had the confirmation just seconds after.
“I’m Aiba Masaki” he stretched out his hand and I took it without second thoughts.
“I’m Sakurai Sho” I talked with too much excitement and this affected even my hand that refused to let go of the other’s one.
Looking from outside we could seem really weird people, shaking hands for what it seemed hours, but in that moment, the only thing that mattered for me was Aiba Masaki.
It was impossible to put in words what were the sensations running through my body. From my hand, a powerful feeling was spreading throughout my whole body. And as I was looking at his eyes, I lost sense of time and place. He was in front of me, he was looking at me, he was holding my hand, he was…laughing?
“You’re so drowned in my eyes to not realize that it’s still raining?” he questioned amused.
In an instant, I recovered both the sense of time and space and picked up my umbrella that was still on the street. And again, as 3 years ago, I discovered it broken, probably due to the rough impact I had with the pole.
“Why does it always end like this?” I whined and lowered my head in discomfort.
I was looking at the ground, seeing how the rain drops were falling fast and heavy, but then they suddenly stopped. I raised my head and saw how Aiba came near me and covered us both with his umbrella.
“I will bring you home, I can’t let the person I like get soaked and fall ill” he said.
At first I only nodded, thanking him, not paying too much attention on his words after hearing ‘I will bring you home’. It hit me only when we were walking side by side that he said ‘the person I like’. Useless to say that I screamed in the middle of the street, breaking the silence that was over us.
“D-do you l-like me?” I muttered looking at him in disbelief.
“It’s weird, right? Just as I thought…”
“It’s not weird! I fell in love with you too that time! It’s because we are soulmates!” I said excitedly taking his free hand.
“Soulmates?”
“I will explain to you another time. You just have to know that I love you, from the bottom of my heart”
“You’re…You’re really fast in this kind of things” he affirmed smiling.
“Fast? And I didn’t even ask you if you want to be my boyfriend yet. A thing that I’m going to do now-“ before I could finish my sentence, his lips were already on mine.
After three long years I could finally taste him again. He tasted a little salty but there was a trace of sweetness that I ended up searching for with my tongue. But before I could go deeper in my research, he parted away from me.
“These aren’t things to do in the middle of the street, don’t you think?” he asked only a few inches away from my face.
I nodded absentmindedly, my faculty of thinking swept away by the previous kiss, and intertwining my hand with his, I guided him to my house.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
“Good morning!” I exclaimed happily as soon as I came in the classroom.
“It seems that someone is in a good mood today” Nino stated looking at me while I was approaching him.
“Everyone would be after having the person he loves by his side” I replied still smiling widely.
“Sorry Sho but I’m not gay and-“
“Of course I wasn’t talking about you, idiot!” I slapped playfully his head as he laughed and then I added “Come with me, I want you to meet someone” and dragged him out of the school’s gate.
Masaki, who was waiting outside, straightened his posture and adjusted his uniform when he saw Nino and me coming. When we were in front of Masaki, before I could even introduce him, Nino patted my shoulder enthusiastically.
“Finally you decided to leave behind that ‘rain boy’ and move on. I’m so proud of you. I bet he wasn’t even pretty, this guy here is surely better. And even though I never met that guy, I bet he was a jerk” he said with a firm tone.
I could see how Aiba was trying to hide his laugh while I was feeling embarrassed for my friend.
“Nino, actually…” I started and then moved by Masaki’s side saying “He is the ‘rain boy’…” while pointing at him.
“Nice to meet you Ninomiya-san, Sho talked about you a lot and insisted that we two had to meet” he said politely before bowing.
Nino was totally speechless. He had his mouth wide open and couldn’t utter a word. His eyes though were very active since they started to scan thoroughly the other. After several seconds, he took a big breath and finally spoke.
“You were whining yesterday because you wanted to meet him and this morning you come with him at school” he said matter-of-factly.
He seemed that he was reasoning over something, probably our encounter. My theory was proven right when he spoke again.
“You two met yesterday afternoon?!” he asked surprised.
“Yes. And we are a couple now”
“You’re kidding me. This can’t be possible. You aren’t this crazy to start a relationship with a person you just…No wait you are this crazy actually”
“Nino, I know that it seems very weird and crazy for you but we love each other. We truly do” I took Masaki’s hand and kissed it, not minding to show publicly my love for him.
Nino seemed to think about it and just nodded and bowed to Aiba, introducing himself. Then the latter excused himself since he would be late if he didn’t hurry up. His school was near ours but he was still going to be late if he would stay a little more with us.
When his body disappeared from my eyesight, I turned to Nino, who was staring at me as if I was an alien. I raised my eyebrows , like asking if something was wrong , and he shook his head as a reply and walked away.
I understand how absurd it could seem to Nino, since he didn’t believe in all those cheesy relationships or everlasting love stories. But at the same time, I wanted him to understand it and accept it because he was my best friend since I was a child. After all, it’s normal to want the understanding of one of the most important people for you.
When I walked in the classroom, Nino was already sitting on his chair with his chest facing the back of it. He looked at me and gestured me with his hand to sit on my chair as well.
“I thought about it and came to a conclusion” he started as soon as I was in front of him.
I didn’t reply, I just waited in silence for his next words.
“I accept the fact that you went totally crazy and started a relationship with that ‘rain boy’”
“Don’t tell me that finally you understood-“
“Stop your wild fantasies Sakurai. I said that I accept that, but this doesn’t mean that I understand the reason why you fell in love with a total stranger and even asked him to be your boyfriend”
“Well, it’s half of the result I wanted. But I’m sure that I’m going to make a 100% success! I swear that you will start to believe in soulmates when you will see how Masaki and I love each other” I said being strong-minded.
Before we could continue our conversation the bell rang and the teacher came in the classroom.
“Oh what a pity that I can’t listen to your deep speeches about eternal love” he exclaimed, the sarcasm very evident.
I just laughed it off and opened the math book, more because I had to since my gaze was already directed toward the window.
“Have a good day, Masaki”
“Aah~ My head is still hurting as hell” Nino complained while we were exiting the building.
“At least from now on you will stop sleeping during lessons”
“You are not better since you always day-dream about that guy” he retorted back.
“But at least I have my eyes opened-“ I stopped immediately when I saw Aiba standing before the school’s gate.
“Sho!” he called out to me while waving at me.
In just some seconds I was already in front of him, my smile almost big as my whole face.
“Why are you here? Didn’t we say to meet up at the konbini between my school and yours?” I asked delightfully surprised.
“Yeah but…I couldn’t wait” he replied shyly.
Even though he lowered his head, I could still notice his cheeks becoming red like a tomato.
“I’m happy to hear that. I feel the same” I whispered so only him could hear me.
He raised his head and smiled and, just with that view, my heart skipped a beat.
“I’m going home. Sho-kun, Aiba-san, have fun” a voice behind me said.
Before I could reply, Nino had already mixed in the crowd of students heading home. And before I could reason if he did that for leaving us alone or because he was uncomfortable with that situation, Masaki grabbed my hand and started to drag me along the street.
“Masaki, can I ask you something?” I said breaking the silence that was over us since we left the school.
After deciding where to go, at last my house was chosen, no one talked or even tried to start a conversation. But it wasn’t uncomfortable, it was…relaxing. Being with him, our hands intertwined, no words were needed. That was already my paradise and even though I knew him only since yesterday, I was already addicted.
“Sure, what is it?” he asked back with a smile.
“Why do you like me? I know that we still don’t know each other well, but I don’t think that for you was love at first sight like it was for me. You ran away when I kissed you so…you must have thought something that made you fall in love with me after. What was that?”
His eyes went up to look at the sky and a thoughtful frown appeared on his face.
"That was my first kiss" he said after some seconds before adding "I was so shocked that a stranger had just kissed me, I thought you were some kind of pervert so I ran away"
"Nino was right after all" I thought biting my lower lip.
"When I arrived home and walked in my bedroom, I remember to have touched my lips and I think it was then that everything started. For the next days, even though I wanted to forget it, I was always thinking about that day and about that boy who had stole my first kiss. But the more I thought about you...the more I was falling in love with you without even realizing it"
"When did you realize your feelings?" I asked, eager to hear the other's story.
"When I realized that every day, in the crowd, I was searching for you"
The only image of Masaki thinking about me was making my heartbeat go crazy. He must have noticed it since he chuckled a little when he looked at me.
"I'm so glad to have met you again Sho" his hand squeezing mine.
"Me too" I said looking back at him and smiling sincerely.
"Only God knows how much"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
1 month later...
"Nino!" I shouted as soon as I reached my seat.
The younger jumped up on his chair, totally startled by my sudden scream.
"Why are you always so hyped up first thing in the morning?!" he complained while turning to me.
"Finally it's finished"
"What?" he asked confused.
"The present for Masaki's birthday. Well, it can be considered a Christmas' present too"
"Come on, let me see it" he urged me.
I opened my schoolbag and handed to him the hand-knitted green sweater.
"My grandmother knitted it. Isn't it beautiful?" I asked excited.
"Sorry but my attention is all focused on the red heart at the front" he said while staring down at the knitted shape.
"That is the best thing, right? My grandmother said that it would be nice to add something on it. You know, for making it special and different from all the others one" I explained still very excited about it.
"You could have put his initials. It's nicer and... less showy. I mean, he is a boy. Boys don't wear clothes with hearts" he commented.
"It's not like he has to wear it for going out. I was aiming for something more indoor. For example, when he will feel cold at night he can wear it. Or he can wear it when we're having a date at his house or mine-"
"You're already fantasizing about it. You're the worst" he declared while glaring at me.
"I'm sorry to always repeat myself but you're truly heartless" I hissed sitting on my chair and took the sweater from his hands.
"It isn't so bad...right?" I thought while looking down at it.
The bitter comments of Nino made my excitement become nervousness. Would Aiba dislike this gift? Would he not even accept it? No, he was too kind so he would accept it even if it was disgusting for him. Should I just give him a pair of gloves? Or a scarf?
"Hey" Nino pushed jokingly my shoulder making me look up.
"He will like it. He is as cheesy as you even though he doesn't show it" he reassured me smiling.
I smiled back at him, internally thanking him.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
For exchanging our presents, Masaki and I decided to meet up under the awning where we met for the first time. Arrived 30 minutes earlier, I prepared myself to wait in the freezing cold of the 23rd of December. Or at least this was what I thought because just some minutes after, an absent-minded Aiba Masaki was coming in my direction.
"Masaki?" I asked.
His eyes blinked a few times and then he raised his head looking surprised.
"Why are you already here?"
"It was impossible to stay at home, I was too excited and ended up going out too early" I confessed, a little of embarrassment clear on my face.
"Same here" he said before leaving a kiss on my cheek.
"What were you thinking while coming here?" I questioned, trying to hide the sudden nervousness mixed with excitement that took my body.
He didn't answer immediately, he seemed to think over the reply to give me, and after several seconds he said "I was thinking how you would react to your present"
I looked away, trying to hide my blushing, and without wasting other time I handed to him the sweater.
"Since it's neither your birthday nor Christmas yet, I won't say any special speech. Just take this" I watched how his lips curved in a wide smile, which became even bigger when Masaki's eyes met the red heart on the sweater.
"Whenever you wear it, you will remember me and my feelings for you since that heart represents mine. You can consider this as another confession" I added and before he could ask, I replied his inner question "My grandmother knitted it. So this sweater is the only one in the world, be sure to cherish it"
"I will" he said with sparkling eyes.
Even though he didn't say 'Thank you' or any of the kind, I knew that he appreciated the present just by looking in his brown eyes.
"My present is not as beautiful as this...I'm really sorry..." he whispered suddenly.
I didn't have the time to ask anything, since he took out from his pocket something that looked like a red string. After staring at it for some time more, I noticed that a bell was tied to it.
"You always talk about soulmates and once you told me that they are connected by invisible red strings. Even though I don't believe in them, I admit that the more I stay with you, the more I believe in soulmates. Because I'm really starting to think that you are my soulmate"
My mind started to go crazy bit by bit when I heard those words. Knowing that my feelings reached Masaki was the most important thing I could ever wish.
"I wanted to give you a red string that we can actually see and touch, so whenever you look at it, you will know that I'm by your side. Wherever you are. And also, probably you are wondering what this bell is. I wanted to join together the 'symbol' of the red string and the 'symbol' of the mistletoe. You know that when you are under the mistletoe you have to kiss someone, right? Well if you shake the string and make the bell ring, it means that you want a kiss" his voice slightly faded away towards the end, probably due to the embarrassment he was feeling.
"Masaki..."
"I know that is such a stupid present-" he stopped as soon as I took the string in my hand and shook it, making the bell rang.
I smiled widely at him, who smiled back too, and without any more words we brought each other closer and our lips met. The cold, that I once felt, now had disappeared, making room for a warmth which started to spread from my lips to my whole body.
When his tongue traced the corner of my lower lip, I broke the kiss whispering to him a simple "My house". Receiving a nod as a reply, I took his hand and started to run to reach it as soon as possible.
In all my life I always hated my parents' jobs. Due to their busy schedule, they were rarely at home. Returning home, without receiving anything as a reply to my "I'm back" was the normality for me. I had always hated that empty house, but who could have ever imagined that I would bless it someday.
As Masaki and me were kissing and moaning loudly, I was realizing how lucky we were. And we were only grinding our hips against each other, I didn’t want to imagine what would have happened if we had gone all the way.
It was the first time that I was feeling such an intense sensation. The more I tasted the more I wanted and Masaki was giving to me everything he had.
Then while staring at me, Masaki smiled and whispered something that I didn't catch. But before being able to ask what he said, he let out a loud moan and came in his boxers.
After few thrusts and kisses, I came too closing my eyes and screaming his name. When I opened them, his lips still had the smile from before and this time I smiled back too.
"Before...what did you say?" I asked after minutes of silence.
I loved having Masaki in my arms but I couldn't help myself to wonder about that phrase I didn't hear.
He raised his head from my chest and looked at me. His gaze was somehow strange, it wasn't relaxed and warm like every other time he looked at me. It was...sadder.
"I guess it's the moment" he sighed and sat properly on the bed, leaning his back on the headboard.
I did the same and waited for him to explain himself.
"I said 'I will miss you' before"
"We already talked about this, I will miss you too. But it's the only chance I have for spending some time with my parents, so I have to go to the family trip no matter what-"
"It isn't because of it. It's a total different matter" he declared firmly.
I tried to say something but the words didn't come out from my mouth. I was totally confused on what was happening.
"Earlier today you asked me what I was thinking. I replied that I was thinking about your reaction when you would see my present...That was the first time I lied to you" he confessed.
"W-what do you mean?" I questioned stuttering slightly.
"It wasn't totally false, it's true that I was thinking about your reaction. The lie was that it wasn't the moment when I would give you the present, the moment was when I would give you the news"
"News? About what?"
"About me going to China after graduation"
For some instants my mind was empty. But soon after, it started to be full of questions. Why? When was it decided? And were his parents the ones to make this decision? Or was him who decided this? Was it a sudden choice? Or was it since time ago that Masaki was considering this option?
I had to hold my head with my hands and close my eyes.
"My father went there during his 20s for learning as much as possible about Chinese cuisine and its tradition, and he wants me to walk over the same path he did" he explained.
Seeing that I was at loss for words, he continued talking.
"I'm sorry to have ruined this night, but I thought it was right to tell you as soon as possible. Otherwise you would have scolded me for weeks if I had waited a day more" he laughed lightly trying to brighten up the atmosphere.
I laughed too, accepting his attempt to lift up the mood, and turned to him. Many things crossed my mind. Bad ones and good ones but at the end only one thing mattered to me and that was Masaki.
"I guess it can't be helped right? I mean, we're talking about your future. I don't have the right to say anything about it so I have only two options: being happy and support you or screaming and going crazy while telling you horrible things. And since I'm not a sucker for drama, I will choose the first option"
"I knew it" he exclaimed taking my face in his hands.
"What?"
"That I have the best boyfriend on earth" he smiled and kissed me.
"If he is happy then I'm happy too"
Well, I would lie if I said that I was the happiest guy in the world. But I couldn't be selfish and force Masaki to stay here with me. He had to build his future as I had to build mine. So it was fine for me if he wanted to go to a different country for years. Even if we don't see each other, I will be happy for him...I...will be...happy, right?
"It's late, we should go to sleep Sho"
I woke up from my thoughts and glanced at the watch on my bedside table. It was already past midnight.
"Masaki" I called him while lying next to him.
"Mmh?" he said, his eyes already closed.
"Happy Birthday"
"Thanks Sho-chan" a kiss was placed on my lips.
"Goodnight"
"Goodnight Sho-chan" soon my lips received another kiss.
I closed my eyes and hugged him tightly. A question forming in my mind.
"Will I be happy?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
3 months later...
"Okay it's official. I, Ninomiya Kazunari, will admit defeat against your mind. I can't understand it anymore"
I looked at him and sighed as all the other times he had tried to say something funny.
"Seriously Sho, what is happening to you?" he asked whining.
"I already told you. It's March" I replied faintly.
"And weeks ago was February, and weeks before that was January. Every time I ask, you just state in which month we are. Are you having nostalgic feelings about school? Because you and your best friend will go separate ways and you will miss him?" he placed his chin on his hands and smiled as widely as he could.
"Of course I will miss you since we will go to different universities, but at least you won't go to China..." my voice faded away as soon as my lips pronounced that word.
"China?...Oh God, don't tell me that it's about Aiba again. We talked about it many times and you always start to blab about that it's right that he thinks about his future, that you can still text each other on LINE, that he will return, that you have to put his happiness before yours-"
"I'm not lying when I say those things, I truly believe them. It's just that recenlty he seems weird, always in his own thoughts...He will leave the day after graduation, so he can start to adjust to his new life before starting to work in the restaurant of his father's friend"
"Wait but graduation day is tomorrow, he will leave this soon? You never told me that!" he exclaimed surprised.
"What I'm more afraid about is that he wants to talk to me before leaving. He said that he has something important to tell me so he wants to meet me the morning of his flight"
"Maybe he wants to do a long speech regarding his feelings for you and so on. It's not that he is clearly saying to you 'I'm going to break up with you', right?" even though he said to not be able to understand me, he had just said out loud my biggest fear.
I sighed again and put my head on the desk. Every kind of thought had eaten up my sanity for the past 3 months. First if I was really going to be happy with Masaki's choice, then if our relationship would survive, and now if he wanted to break up with me and just put an end to our story.
"It will be okay Sho. I know that I have been saying this quite a lot recently but believe me. It's really going to be okay" he reassured me patting my head friendly.
Even though I didn't believe it, I wanted to do it. It was the only way to not lose my mind.
"Yeah, it will be okay..."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I was gripping tightly the red string in my pocket while walking on the street. By now I would bring it everywhere I went just for feeling that I wasn't alone, that Masaki was with me. But while walking to that awning that had seen the birth and the evolution of our story, I couldn't help but feel loneliness. It was as if my body and my mind had already given for sure the fact that, the relationship between Masaki and me, was going to end this evening. I wanted to tell them to shut up and that he wanted to see me one last time before going to China. But as I saw him waiting under the awning with the sweater I gave him in his hands, my heart clenched and my soul stopped to fight.
"He is going to break up with me"
When I was finally in front of him, I didn't say anything. Nor did he. It was like watching a movie that someone had already spoilt you, you know what will happen and you just wait for it.
"Even though is already March, it's still coolish in the early morning, right?" he said trying to start the conversation.
"You can even skip the friendly chat and just go right at it. I had already understood"
He looked at me with surprise. Actually, I was surprised too when I realized what I had said. Probably my mind was fed up with all the stress I was putting on it so it just wanted to finish soon all this mess.
"I thought about it every day. It was really hard for me but it's the right thing to do. Since you said that in love you have to put the other one before you, I decided to do it" he started.
I was taken aback by these words thus my eyes widened a bit.
"I can't tie up you with me. Not when I'm not here with you, it will be only selfish. You have a brilliant future right ahead of you and I can't hold you back"
"Masaki, what are you-"
"If you truly love someone, you will let him go if it is needed. That's why-"
"Masaki wait-"
"Forget me and go on with your life. You need to be happy and you deserve someone who can always be with you"
"But-"
"Do it for yourself Sho!" he screamed and pushed the green sweater in my arms.
I looked at it and just then I realized that some tears were running from my eyes.
"You have to think about yourself and-"
"Stop it! Shut up!" I yelled gripping tightly the sweater.
My body, which before had given up, and my mind, which just wanted to be calm, now were starting to change. They now wanted to fight.
"You know...I would have accepted it if you wanted to break up with me for living to the fullest your new life there. But...I can't accept it if you say that you're doing this for me"
Before he could reply, I raised my hand making him close his mouth.
"You say that I need to be happy. How can I be happy if it's without you? You say that I have to think about my future. How can I if I want you to be my future?"
I raised my head to look at him. He was crying too.
"We can make this work, I know that. So, please..." I tried to take his hand but he took a step back before I could reach it.
"I-I can't..." he whispered before adding, looking straight at me, "You should give your heart to someone who can really cherish it"
"It's not you the one who has to choose this. It's my heart and I decide to whom give it" I affirmed, trying again to make him give up.
He stayed silent for several seconds, looking at me in the eyes, as if he was trying to say something that unfortunately I wasn't understanding. Could it be that the distance between us was already this big? Could it be that our story had already ended and all my attempts were useless?
"I'm sorry Sho..." he said while lowering his head and closing his eyes.
I opened my mouth to try to persuade him again but I closed it immediately. After all...
"Why am I even trying?"
He raised his head, tears in his eyes, and whispered again a 'I'm sorry'. Then he turned and started to walk away but I stopped him by taking his wrist. When he was turning to me, I took the red string in my hand and brought it right after his eyes.
"I won't need you by my side anymore"
He took the string from my hand, I noticed how a tear fell on it, and put it inside his jacket's pocket.
"Goodbye Sho..." he said before walking away.
"Goodbye Masaki..." I replied back watching him from behind.
Probably I was stupid since I was letting go my soulmate but if Masaki had decided this...Who was I to force him to be with me? The sooner I got over it, the sooner I could fall in love again and make my heart forget him.
"As if that is even possible..." I thought sarcastically.
When Masaki turned the corner, I started to head back home, realizing just at that moment that I would never see him again.
"Maybe we will meet each other again. Maybe we will be together again. But for now, goodbye..."
I stopped for looking one last time at the awning then I walked away smiling bitterly.
End of Part 1
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