On and Off

[yuuki-02.livejournal.com]

Title: On and Off
Author: Me aka Yuuki
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Genre: AU, Drama, Romance
Rating: PG-13 (I guess?)
Length: One shot
Summary: He left him, he broke up with him. But then, why is Aiba always returning to Sho?
Warning: unbeta-ed
Disclaimer: wish I could own them but sadly I don't
Notes: First of all: sorry that I couldn't find a better name for this story. Second: I got inspiration for this story by a song. I'm not really sure about the result, but I don't think it's pretty bad (I hope). I hope that you will like it!

This is the last fiction I had to post. These four fics were just being in my laptop waiting to be posted but for some kind of reason they were still not published. But now, thanks to my guru, here they are! I don't know when I will write the next one, but I hope soon!

On and Off

“You came here again…” I said, whispering more to myself than to him.

He didn’t reply but just continued on picking up his clothes from the floor and wearing them on. I didn’t even have the courage to glance at him so I just kept on staring at the street. Even though it was late at night, there were still many cars on Tokyo’s streets, mostly taxi.

I sighed and I tightened the arms around myself. I had just a pair of boxer and a t-shirt on so the cold of
the night was freezing me. But suddenly the cold became more bearable when a coat was put on me.

“You will get a cold, it’s January after all” he said before whispering “Always going around with just a few clothes on…Think about your health geez…”

I let a laugh. Not a real one but the one you usually do when you’re fed up with something, in this case someone, and you laugh for not cry.

“You can even take your coat and go out of this house” I hissed removing the coat from me and throwing it at him.

“Sho…” he whimpered.

“I don’t know anymore what to do with you” I could already feel the tears coming up in my eyes.

“I’m sorry-“

“No Masaki, you’re not sorry. This time it won’t work. It may have worked the first three times, that are already a lot of times, but the fourth…No, you won’t get way with just an ‘I’m sorry’ today…” I turned for facing him, trying to pretend that I was angry when actually I was just sad.

Masaki was keeping his gaze on his coat, turning it over in his hands. The lights were off so I couldn’t see properly his face, nonetheless thanks to the moonlight I still could see that his expression wasn’t relaxed. He was troubled.

“Why don’t you admit it already?” I asked after a long silence.

“What?” he raised his head and looked at me with knitted brows.

“That you still love me Masaki, that you can’t forget me”

“You’re wrong-“

“Oh please don’t give me that crap, it’s so obvious that-“

“I can’t understand what you’re talking about” he moved backwards.

“Masaki, face the truth. Just for once be true to yourself and admit to have been wrong. You…you said that it was over but then why are you here?” I tried to look at his eyes but failed since he had his head lowered, so my gaze started to wander around the bedroom.

“Sho-“

“Why do you keep on coming back here?”

He kept silent so I continued on speaking.

“You think that I’m okay with this situation? That the only one who is troubled it’s you? Let’s recap just a bit, okay? One year ago, the person I had been in a relationship with for five years broke up with me. Then after two months he came to my apartment and literally threw himself on me, I thought that he wanted to get back together with me but I was wrong because he said ‘It was just a one-night stand’. Then, after another five months he came back and again, before I could even process in my mind who was the person in front of me, his lips attacked me. But then again ‘It was a simple one-night stand’ and he left me again” before I could realize it, I was walking back and forth on the room and moving my hands and arms frantically.

Masaki passed his hand on his hair and sat on the bed, his head hanging down, biting his lips nervously.

“But don’t worry ladies and gentlemen because the guy returned again after three months! And he even stayed more than just one night! A whole week if we want to be precise, so I had all the right to think that finally everything was going back on track but I was just a poor dreamer since ‘It was a weakness’…” I stopped right in front of him.

“And now, after two months, he is here again. Had sex with me and now wanting to go away again. But he will return for sure, it’s just a matter of time. I’m used by now” my throat was dry, my eyes in the verge of crying and my head fed up with everything that involved Aiba Masaki.

He finally raised his head, looking at me with the saddest expression I ever saw him with, but no…I couldn’t let him do as he pleases. I have to end this situation once and for all and clear everything up.

“Am I…Am I just sex for you? It is this what I mean for you?” I asked reluctantly.

“Oh Sho no, what are you even saying. No no and no, you’re much more than that” he replied immediately shaking his head.

“Then why? You say that you’re not in love with me, but it’s not even sex so what it is? You’re probably having fun but here I’m suffering and-“

“I’m suffering too” he exclaimed firmly looking at me straight in the eyes.

“Then explain, because seriously I had enough of you acting like this” I whispered at last, my arms falling beside my hips.

He gulped loudly and licked his lips, before passing his hands on his hair and on his face.

“I-I…I feel like…There are times in which I feel lonely, very lonely, as if no one wants me. I feel rejected by all the world and then I look myself in the mirror and reject myself too…I try to focus on my work but I make a mess even there so I talk with my friends but they don’t understand…Well, they do but at the same time don’t…So I start to realize that I’m alone and I start to feel like falling down, down and down…But then, I remember that there is someone who understands me. Someone who makes me feel wanted…” his voice was trembling, as well as his shoulders and hands.

He took a deep breath and looked up, probably not wanting his tears to fall, before closing his eyes.

“Then why are you keeping on leaving that person?”

“Because I said it was over…” he replied faintly.

And then I laughed, truly this time.

“What that should mean? Yeah you said that, it is a fact. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t start again”

“But when I take a decision I never-“

“Go back again, I know. But let’s just suppose that today it would be me the one to say ‘It’s over’, what would you do? You won’t be able to go back here again, you know that?” I asked going near him, my eyes locked on him trying to maintain the eye contact as much as possible.

His face from troubled became lost. I could see how his eyes filled with fear, how his breath started to be faster, how his hands clenched around his coat.

“I-I-I…I…Eh?” he stuttered, a tear at last escaping his eye.

“I-I can’t…I…Sho you’re the only one who…”

“Who?” I urged him to continue.

He opened his mouth but then closed it again, biting his lips for the nth time that night.

“For fuck’s sake Masaki just admit it! Admit it! It’s not difficult!” I screamed without being able to hold back anymore.

He lowered his head one more time and then I started to lose it.

“Say it Masaki! Say it! I know it, you know it, everyone knows, so just say that out loud!”

He started shaking his head closing his eyes tightly.

“Why are you always acting like this? Why can’t you just admit to have done a mistake?! It is pride? Or you’re just an idiot who thinks that he is always right on everything? Did a God created you for saving the humanity?”

“Sho please-“

“What?! ‘Sho please’ what?! I’m tired of this! I’m seriously tired of all this! I’m here, crying out my whole heart and soul for the person I can’t stop loving no matter what he does to me, and what I get? What I get?! Nothing-“

“You still love me?!” he jumped on his feet, throwing his coat on the floor and placing his hands on my forearms.

I dried some tears that were on my cheeks, took a deep breath and nodded, my eyes on the floor.

“I…I’m sorry for everything Sho” he said hugging me.

“I told you that I won’t accept that this time” I mumbled against his chest.

He took my face between his hands and looked at me, smiling.

“I-I…I’ve done a mistake. I broke up with you thinking that I could stand with my own feet, that I could go on without you but…but you’re right. I can’t forget you, I need you by my side more than anyone. Can you forgive me?” he leaned in and pressed our foreheads together.

“It depends”

He frowned.

“You still didn’t say that…that phrase which usually resolved every fight we had”

“…I’m going to buy you shellfish for dinner?” as soon as he said it we both laughed.

“Not that, idiot” I hit him playfully on his shoulder.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry…” his smile disappeared and looked at me with a serious face before whispering “I love you Sakurai Sho…”

“Finally you said it…I screamed so much that probably I woke up all the building” I joked trying to lift all the tension that was in the room.

“They would have woken up eventually anyway, even if you hadn’t shout before”

“Why?” I asked confused.

“Because after every fight there is always make-up sex” he answered confidently.

“You already had your share tonight”

“Then it means that I will have another one. I’m such a lucky guy~”

Smiling, grinning and giggling, we ended up on the bed kissing each other passionately.

“Do you remember when I told you that I felt like falling?” he asked out of nowhere parting away from my lips.

I nodded and mumbled a ‘Yes’.

“As soon as I was here, with you in my arms, I felt that your hands were keeping me from falling. That’s why I kept on returning, because I wanted your hands to hold me, to make me rise up again” he confessed.

I just smiled and held his hands, which were on my cheeks, whispering an ‘I love you’.

“I love you too” he whispered and smiled back.

“So…we’re a couple again?” I asked with a hopeful tone.

“Of course we are…And maybe we never stopped to be one” he replied sweetly.

After looking fondly at each other, our lips met again in a deep and long kiss soon followed by many others as our bodies kept on bringing each other closer, eager to be one again with the person we loved the most.




End