a Flower between Us
Monday, August 19th, 2019 17:25![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yuuki_nyanmaru posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
sanoyuukiIf you're interested, you can find more online by just searching "hanahaki disease".
Title: a Flower between Us
Summary: Aiba knew that Sho loved him. What he didn’t know was that Sho’s unrequited feelings caused him to contract the hanahaki disease. And now, he had just asked him to go on a date, his one and only chance to spend time together before the surgery will take away his feelings. It shouldn’t be a problem, after all, it can’t take you just a date to fall in love, right?
Notes: This was originally posted on my journal on May 6th.
P.S: as always, if you want to make me a request, just head over here.
a Flower between Us
Aiba had been knowing all along why Sho had asked if he could come to his house at such late hour, there was only one reason why he would want to show up this late at night.
Sho loved him, it was pretty clear just from the looks he would throw at Aiba. He had been acting as if he were unaware for all these months, he didn’t want to hurt in any way his friend after all. Sooner or later, that crush would have faded away and Sakurai would have moved on, realizing that Aiba wasn’t a good match for him.
Sincerely, he had thought that there was a possibility that Sho would confess his feelings. And he had prepared even for that happening, deciding beforehand which words to use as to not hurt him too much. The problem was that, surely, he wasn’t prepared for the kind of development he had just heard from the other man himself.
Sho had the hanahaki disease. His feelings for Masaki, one-sided, had grown so strong and painful to make him literally suffer.
When he heard those words coming from his friend’s mouth, he thought that it was all a lie, made up just so Aiba could fall for him. Actually, he still wished that it was a lie, but Sho’s suddenly cough and white rose petals coming out of his mouth, made it coming home to him. He had an illness, and it was his fault.
“I-I…” he didn’t know what to say, his lips kept on opening and closing, wanting to say everything and nothing.
He felt a tear falling from his right eye and running down his cheek.
“I’m s-sorry…” he stuttered at last.
“It’s not your fault, it can’t be helped if you don’t feel the same thing I do,” Sakurai replied, his tone surprisingly calm. Probably, he had imagined how this conversation would have gone, so he could have been ready for any kind of response.
“Are you going to do surgery, right?” Masaki asked anxiously.
“Yes, I can’t afford to die, I still have many things that I want to do,” the older man replied.
“That’s a relief then. I would have never forgiven myself if you…if you…” he looked away, trying to hold back a sob.
A couple of minutes were spent in silence while Aiba was trying not to cry, as if this were about him. It’s not him the ill one here, it’s not him the one suffering, he had no right to shed a tear. He looked up and gulped, before saying, “What day is the surgery?”
“That depends on you.”
He stared at the other man confused, not understanding his words. What did he mean?
“It depends…on me?”
“Yes. It depends on whether you will accept my request or not,” Sakurai revealed.
Masaki looked closely at him, waiting nervously.
“As I suppose you know, once the surgery is done, together with the flowers, even my feelings will disappear. Even though they’re the reason for my suffering, they’re also the thing I cherish the most. That’s why, before my heart becomes empty, I would like to go out with you at least once.”
Sho’s face was smiling, but all across it, his pain was clearly showing. His eyes were darker than usual, his lips were trembling, his cheeks weren’t as chubby as they used to be…as he liked to see. He had noticed something strange in his friend, and now all his questions had been answered.
“I understand if you don’t want, so, please, feel free to reject-“
“I’m looking forward to it,” he cut the other man off, then he added, “I’ll think of a plan and then let you know as soon as possible. How about we go this Sunday?”
Sho froze for some seconds, processing what Aiba had just said, probably he wasn’t expecting an affirmative response immediately. He spoke again after letting out a sigh of relief.
“I made plans with my mother for that day, can it be Saturday instead?”
“Of course, I’ll just say to Nino that we’ll go to the cinema another time.”
“No, wait, I don’t want to mess up your-“
“Listen, it’s totally fine. Nino and I can meet anytime anyway, right now you’re the top priority,” he declared while coming near him.
“But-“ the shorter man tried to speak but was interrupted by Aiba’s hands on his shoulders.
“I will do anything for you, get it through your head. Got it?”
Sho nodded and smiling, finally happily, replied, “Got it.”
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Aiba, for the nth time, stirred his chopsticks in his lunchbox, taking a bit of rice but putting it down again. His gaze was directed outside, towards the street. Since it was the beginning of May, by now all the trees had already bloomed and were now filled with flowers.
“Flowers…” his heart clenched at that thought.
“What about flowers?”
Facing in front of him, he saw how Nino sat in front of him and opened his lunchbox.
“Man, I’m so tired. I don’t know how I’m going to resist until evening,” he whined, stretching his neck.
“Then, make the best out of lunch break and rest. Don’t waste all your energy on gaming,” Aiba remarked.
“I would like to do that but we’re in the middle of an event, so I have to eat this lunch in less time as possible so I can go to rank in the dungeon,” just as he said, Ninomiya started to eat voraciously his lunch, surely bought at the nearby convenience store.
Aiba laughed at that sight but eventually told his best friend to slow down, otherwise he could choke on his food and say goodbye to his ranking dungeon.
“Rather, you didn’t reply to my question,” Nino told him while munching.
He tried to fake puzzlement, but he knew that he couldn’t fool the other man and as a proof to this, Nino continued, “Come on, about the flowers. Are you planning to go on flower-viewing? Let me tell you, it’s too late. You had to go in April.”
“I wish this was what I have on mind,” he sighed and looked outside again.
“What is it then?”
“Sho…He has the hanahaki disease,” somehow, now that he said it, he felt like it became official. As if he became self-conscious again about this fact.
“Oh, so he told you,” the shorter man stated matter-of-factly.
“Wait…Did you know?!” Aiba questioned in a loud voice, his eyes wide open in shock. Why did Nino know already of this? Why did Sakurai tell Nino before him? Or…could it be that Nino simply found out and then the other had to confess? After all, everyone knew how Ninomiya was a very attentive person, he would always be the first one to notice if something was off. It wouldn’t surprise Aiba if that was the reason.
“Yes, well, I kind of got that something was weirder than usual in Sho, but he came to me himself. He told me the day after the first time he…coughed petals,” he paused and put down his chopsticks, a gloomy aura suddenly appearing around him.
“…Nino?”
“Nothing. I was just thinking again about that day. You know, for the first time, I saw fear and panic in his eyes. It was strange that for once he was the one who was relying on someone and not the other way around.”
And now, Masaki’s heart clenched even more than before. He didn’t want to even imagine Sho in that state.
“What else did he tell you?”
“That, before having surgery, he would like to have just one date with me.”
“Since he is going to lose all his feelings for you?” Nino questioned further. Just as Sakurai the day before, even he was talking in a calm tone. Having known about the situation for a while, he must have gotten used too. Even though, there’s not really a way to get used to this kind of stuff…
Aiba nodded in reply and, promptly, took his phone for doing some research.
“I wonder where I could take him…” he mumbled while scrolling Google’s results for ‘Tokyo date spots’.
“You accepted then.”
“Of course, I’m the cause of his disease, I won’t make him suffer any more than this.”
At that reply, Ninomiya put down Aiba’s phone and looked straight at his eyes, before admonishing him, “If you go out with him because you pity him or just for the purposes of a clear conscience, then you better don’t at all. It’s not right towards him.”
“I don’t pity him, neither I’m doing this for cleansing my conscience. He is one of my dearest friends, I care about him, so if there’s something I can do for making him happy, then I will definitely do it,” Masaki resolutely replied.
Ninomiya eyed him for some more seconds before releasing his hand and saying, “If that’s the case, then fine.”
After that exchange, silence fell between the two friends; one finally eating his food meanwhile checking sites after sites on Google, the other one finishing his lunch and starting gaming.
“Make it the best date he has ever had,” Nino told him, his gaze not moving from his game.
“Promise.”
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
While climbing the stairs of the metro, his heart started to race. It wasn’t like he had never been to a date; he was 36 years old, he had even too many dates by now. What was making him nervous was that now more than ever, he didn’t want to blow everything up. Every single thing had to be perfect.
He had told Sakurai to meet in front of exit 3 of Gaienmae Station at 17:00. He wondered if the other had figured out what they were going to do. Knowing him, he had probably done it but Aiba wanted to hope that he still had a chance to surprise him.
Another reason which made his hands fidget was the way he had to act around Sho. He couldn’t do as usual because otherwise there wouldn’t be any difference than their habitual meet-ups, he had to switch off his friend-mode. This was the only chance for Sho after all, so he had to try his best for making the atmosphere as date-like as possible.
When he came out from the station, he didn’t need to wait long before his eyes found a familiar figure. Sakurai had his back to the exit.
“Those sloping shoulders are unmistakable,” he stated under his breath.
He walked towards the other and when he was behind him, he placed his hands over Sakurai’s eyes.
“Who am I?” he asked playfully.
“Are you seriously doing this?” the other man chuckled.
“Yes. Come on, reply,” he urged him.
“Let me think…A guy from Chiba, whose blood type is AB, who likes to cook, who likes animals, who recently had dyed his hair black and is surprisingly good at riddles?”
“Okay, everything is correct but what do you mean by ‘surprisingly good at riddles’?!” Aiba removed his hands from the shorter man’s face and went to stand in front of him.
“I was surprised when I found out about it,” Sakurai affirmed, laughing at him since he was pouting.
“When we were travelling, my family used to do riddles during the ride. It’s normal that I’m good at them,” he pointed out, a pout still on his face.
“You had told me already that story.”
“Did I?” he asked tilting his head.
“Yes, you know, I have this curse to remember everything you say.”
Aiba’s heart skipped a beat at the hearing of that. Sho’s feelings were deeper than he had thought.
“Sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable…” Sho murmured lowering his gaze.
Immediately he put his hands on the other’s arms and reassured him, “We’re on a date, so cheesy stuff is allowed. Now, let’s go.”
Sakurai smiled at him, grateful, before nodding.
After twenty minutes of walking, that could have been fifteen if Aiba wouldn’t have stopped for checking if they were going in the right direction, they arrived.
The place he had brought Sho was the Watarium Art Museum. As soon as they had reached it, Sho took out his glasses and put them on, telling him, “I brought them in case we had to watch something. I’m glad that I took the right decision.”
He had seen the other with glasses many other times, but, somehow, at that moment, a thought crossed his mind and without delay he said it out loud, “I’m glad too, you look really good with them on.” Needless to say that Sakurai’s face became red in no time.
He restrained himself to add how cute he was looking now and lead them inside the building.
Sincerely, he had never understood contemporary art, but he had thought that something like this could have interested the other man. He had started to doubt on this though, since not only him but even Sho had been staring at a drawing way too much.
“Can I be honest?” he started.
“Go ahead.”
“I could do the exact same thing, and no one would pay me for that.”
Sho burst out laughing and Masaki followed him.
“No really, look, they are just geometric figures! Even you can do that!”
“And this says a lot,” Sho remarked.
They noticed someone looking at them, so they swiftly walked away, trying to hold back their laughter.
“I’m sorry, I thought that it was better than this…” Aiba whispered.
“It’s not bad, the fault is ours because we can’t understand the obvious emotions behind those geometric figures,” Sho continued.
Aiba elbowed him playfully, turning the corner of the hallway, but he stopped abruptly when something bumped with his head.
“W-what?!” he exclaimed.
He stepped backwards and saw how what-seemed-to-be paper bags were hanging from the ceiling.
The both looked at those perplexed, trying to understand their meaning. Eventually, Masaki let out a frustrated moan and, taking Sho’s hand, said, “Enough, let’s get out of here.”
No matter how many times the older man called him, Aiba kept making his way through the visitors and brought them out of the building in a minute. He looked at his watch, moving up even Sakurai’s hand since they were still connected, and sighed.
“We wasted one hour and a half, great.”
“Aiba, really, it wasn’t that bad-“
“It was instead! It was bad and weird,” he affirmed before continuing, “I’m going to resolve this, don’t worry. How about we take a walk around here and then go to have dinner? I know a really good place which is nearby.”
“I’ll leave it to you, then.”
“You won’t regret it.”
Aiba wanted to dig a hole and hide inside it for eternity. He wished that he could take back all the words he said, but it was too late.
As he looked at the board announcing that the restaurant had closed, he turned dejected to Sakurai.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t know that they had closed…” he mumbled.
“It’s fine, these are things which can happen,” the other reassured him, giving him a pat on his back, before suggesting an idea, “When we were coming here, I saw a McDonald’s. Do you want to go there?”
“Do we have any other choice?” Aiba asked rhetorically and followed Sho who had already started to walk.
Thirty minutes later, which Aiba spent having a miserable aura around him, they were sitting at a table with hamburgers, fries and colas in front of them.
“Not that it’s not good, but this isn’t the kind of place I wanted to treat you to,” he stated, sighing.
“Listen, it’s fine. I mean it. The main thing is with whom you’re spending time, not how and where,” Sho told him, for the nth time in the span of just ten minutes.
“Well, I don’t think that was good either. I couldn’t understand anything about those artworks, I kept on blaming myself for not having read correctly the restaurant’s site, I mean-“ just as he was about to take his cola, his hand hit even Sakurai’s one almost making it fall.
“See?! I’m not even a good company!” Masaki exclaimed whining.
“Aiba, stop that seriously,” the other said, placing a hand over his, and whispered, “Right now, I couldn’t be happier.”
At those words, Aiba calmed down. Knowing that Sho was happy was the only thing that mattered. He smiled back at him and mouthed a ‘Thank you,’ which was replied by a chuckle and a nod.
Aiba was never good at realizing things fast, everyone knew it and he did too. This time though, he was really astonished at how he had never realized how beautiful Sho was. It was evident that he was a handsome man, but under the moonlight, with a light breeze brushing his hair, everything was amplified and Masaki couldn’t help but be speechless.
“Something wrong?” Sho asked since he had been silent for quite a while.
“N-no, I was just thinking,” he lied.
“About what?”
“…You said that you had plans with your mother tomorrow, what are you two going to do?” he hoped that with this question, he could cover his true thoughts.
“I’ll tell her about the surgery.”
Aiba stopped his steps and looked at his friend in disbelief, “You didn’t tell her about…that?”
“I didn’t want to before having decided on the surgery. You know, she would have forced me to do it right away and…I wasn’t prepared to let go of my feelings yet,” Sho confessed, his gaze lowering to his shoes.
“I’m-“
“No, please don’t say it,” he immediately blocked Masaki, knowing that he was going to apologize again, and said, “The more you say sorry, the more you make me feel as if my feelings were wrong.”
“Your feelings are not wrong; love can never be wrong. Actually, I’m glad about your feelings, knowing that there is someone who loves me makes me really happy. It made me think that I have some kind of quality,” he admitted while putting his hands in his jacket’s pockets, out of embarrassment.
“I wonder why you can’t see what others see. Of course, you have some flaws, everyone has them, me in the first place. But despite that, you’re the best person I know, and I can’t be more thankful to fate for let us two meet.”
Again, Masaki’s heart skipped a beat. No, millions of beats. Sho’s words went straight to it, warming and embracing it. He even felt tears threating his eyes. He tried to cover this fact and, blushing, he looked away.
“And I also wonder when you’ll get used to compliments,” Sakurai commented, giggling.
“Never and you know that,” he replied, looking at him again.
Laughter filled the space between the two, who, in the meanwhile, had started walking again. They were near the apartment complex where Sakurai’s flat was, and Aiba, strangely shy, asked if he could walk him to his door. The other man gladly accepted.
Even though he had only asked that, Sho offered him to enter and drink a cup of tea and Masaki found himself nodding immediately. They were close friends after all, it felt so natural to be around each other.
“Here you have,” Sakurai placed in front of him the cup of tea.
Aiba thanked him and took the cup from the table, sipping a bit of the drink and settled it back again.
“It’s this Thursday.”
He eyed the other, knowing exactly what he was talking about.
“Everything is going to be okay,” he placed a hand on Sho’s knee and squeezed it, trying to give him as much support as possible.
“I know, it’s just that…”
“That…?” Aiba prompted, seeing that his friend had closed his mouth and was not giving any sign of talking again. He didn’t want to urge him, but he believed that it was better to speak, not leaving anything unsaid.
Sho turned to him and stared at him, his teeth biting on his lower lip. And just as Aiba was going to talk again, Sho’s eyes widened. The other man turned away and, putting his hands in front of his mouth, he started to cough. Masaki moved closer to him and put a hand on his back, not knowing what else he should do. He heard a guttural sound before Sho stopped coughing and moved away from his hands.
Their eyes widened in unison when they saw a whole flower, together with some petals, in Sho’s hands, which started to tremble.
“Sho…” he called him softly.
“This is…t-the first time a whole f-flower…comes out,” Sakurai stuttered.
Not only his hands, but even Sho’s body now started to tremble. Looking closely at his face, he saw how tears were now in his eyes and were coming out bit by bit.
“I-I’m afraid…” Sho whispered, before continuing, “I-I don’t want t-to die…”
“You won’t die, you will have surgery, and everything will end,” he comforted him, caressing his back and knee with his hands.
“I-I know but…”
“But?” Masaki helped him.
“A-As much as my life…Even my feelings f-for you are precious,” he confessed, tightening his hands which caused the flower and petals to break.
“I don’t want to lose you Masaki…”
“You’re not going to lose me, even if your feelings will be gone, our friendship will stay unmuted,” he affirmed, before taking his chin and making Sho look at him, “You trust me, right?”
“I do, of c-course I do.”
“Then, believe in my words. Everything is going to be okay,” he shifted some tuft of hair which was before Sakurai’s eyes so that he could look at his eyes.
Sho smiled and nodded softly, but tears were keeping on coming down from his eyes. His body had calmed down a little, but not entirely. Aiba removed the other’s glasses and put them away, so he could dry his tears with his thumbs. He felt Sakurai slightly leaning on the touch, surely enjoying the sensation of his face in Aiba’s hands.
He didn’t know what it came to him, a weird sensation started to spread on his stomach as he looked at Sho. Before he could realize, he kissed him. A tiny, gentle kiss.
He parted and stared at the other, who was sharing his same look of disbelief. Again, Masaki felt something, as if his heart and body were driving him on and placed again his lips on top of the other’s ones.
Sho wasn’t responding to the kiss, too shocked or either thinking that this was wrong. Indeed, it was. It felt as if he were using Sho, and he didn’t want the other to think that. Reason why he forced himself to move away.
He opened his eyes and saw how Sakurai was staring at him with his mouth still half-open, while his eyes were full of astonishment.
“I don’t know what’s got into me. I didn’t want to take advantage of you,” he immediately apologized.
“D-Don’t worry…” Sho whispered.
He didn’t have the courage to look at the other, but, eventually, managed to do so. He saw how Sho touched his lips while his eyes had a…dreamy-like stare. His mouth then curved up in a small smile while his cheeks turned red.
Their gazes met when Sakurai suddenly raised his head, and something started to build up between them. Masaki didn’t know what it was, he just knew that he was feeling something so intense which was running through all his body. In no seconds, he kissed the other again and, this time, Sho kissed him back too.
They opened their mouths and started to explore each other’s. He took his time savouring Sho’s lips and tongue, and so did the older man who was running his hands through Masaki’s hair. He brushed a hand over his neck, gaining a shiver from Sakurai, while with the other hand he gently pushed him down.
Due to the lack of air, he had to break the kiss, but he didn’t want to stop so he moved his mouth to Sho’s neck. Gradually, he went down before tracing with his tongue the path he had just made. As the man underneath him grasped his jacket, dragging him more down, Aiba bit his earlobe gently.
“A-Aiba…”
That tiny whisper pushed him on continuing and he slid lower, unbuttoning Sakurai’s shirt and leaving a peck for every button he opened. When he had finished and removed completely the shirt off Sho, he started to spread feather-like kisses all across the fit body he had in front of him. Then, when he had covered all the surface, he licked Sho’s left nipple while his hand was playing with the right one. The other man let out a whine which was followed soon by some moans when Masaki began to suck and nibble.
Suddenly, Sho ground on him while his hands were clasping on his shoulders. In a moment, even if there were a tiny bit of lucidity left in his mind, Masaki lost it and met the other’s thrusts. He buried his face in Sho’s neck and grabbed his hips, so that he could hump better Sho’s crotch.
Their moans were filling the air while their body heats were raising more and more. Especially his, since Sho’s mouth was right next to his ear so he could hear everything which was coming out from it. He could swear to haven’t ever listened to something more arousing. Every cry, every whine was going directly to his member which was becoming harder every second more.
It took all his being to realize that Sakurai had just called him and was trying to tell him something. He lifted his head, staring down at him while still moving his hips, making their lips brush from time to time.
“We…You…d-don’t have t-to…do it…” Sho tried to say between his moans.
He knew that, he was perfectly aware of that. Surely, it was better to stop right at that moment and go away, but he couldn’t stop. And it wasn’t because of a mere sexual drive, but because he felt the need to do it with Sho. He wanted to touch him, to embrace him, to feel him in any possible way, and he wanted the other to feel him too.
“I-I know…But I want t-to do it…I w-want to make-“ he stopped for a second, realizing what he was going to say, before deciding to just say it out loud, “I-I w-want to make love to you…”
Sho’s whole being seemed to stop living for a second since it completely froze. His eyes were fixed on Masaki, while his hands were now in mid-air and not anymore on his shoulders. His mouth was not letting out any sound and was just half-open. Just when he was about to stop his movements as well, Sho took him by the shirt collar and crushed their lips together.
The kiss was intense, wild and craving as if they wanted to eat each other. Indeed, that was the case since when Sakurai parted from his lips, he bit his Adam’s apple with such a fervour that a dark red mark will surely form.
Then, Sakurai proceeded to open his shirt, which was still closed. From the sound he heard, he was sure that some button ripped off but, honestly, he couldn’t care less as he helped the other taking the shirt off him. As soon as he tossed it aside, Sho threw himself on his chest, licking and biting it sloppily. He left as many marks as he could, before pushing him down.
Aiba’s pants and boxers were removed swiftly and, before he could realize, Sho’s mouth had covered his length. At first, his mouth was only going up and down without doing much, but after, bit by bit, tongue, teeth and sucking were added.
“Sho…” he moaned closing his eyes and running his hands through the older man’s hair.
Sakurai kept on increasing his speed and a few licks and sucks after, Masaki was arching his back while his orgasm took over his body.
Panting, he looked down and regretted it immediately since he saw Sho swallowing his cum up. He lifted himself and, without wasting any time, removed the other man’s pants and underwear, and began to stroke his member while he kissed him. Since he was already fully hard, it didn’t take too much time for Sakurai to come, moaning in their kiss. They broke apart and stayed still for some time, while their heavy breaths were mixing together.
When he turned away, looking around, Sakurai said, “The towels are in the bathroom-“ but he cut him off, replying, “I’m looking for the lube.”
He noticed how the other’s body stiffened at first, but eventually relaxed and told him that it was in his bedroom.
“I’ll go…get it,” he stated, still a bit out of breath.
“No, wait,” Sho blocked him by his arm and then, looking straight at his eyes, whispered, “If this is going to happen, I don’t want to do it here.”
Understanding what he implied, Aiba nodded and, grabbing his hand, he brought him to the bedroom. There, he kissed the shorter man softly before they lay down. Sakurai opened the bedside table’s drawer, picked up the lube and condoms and passed them to him.
When he opened the bottle and put the lube on his fingers, he saw how Sho settled back on the mattress and spread his legs. This action hit him because it showed how much the other trusted him, even though they were doing something they probably shouldn’t do. He decided to believe in Aiba and was now ready to give himself to him.
Leaving a peck on the other’s thigh, Masaki started to prepare him slowly and carefully. When the third finger was in, Sakurai gripped tightly the sheet while meeting his hand’s movements. Seeing that he was ready, Aiba withdrew his hand and reached for the box of condoms before being stopped by the other man.
“C-Can we…do it without…y-you know,” he stuttered in embarrassment at first, then added immediately, “I did various check-ups for the surgery so…I’m c-clean for sure…”
“I’m too.”
Sakurai was clearly surprised by his quick reply and was unsure about what to do, then, eventually, prompted, “So…is it okay?”
“Of course. I want to feel you completely too,” he affirmed. Even though his face was already red, Sho managed to blush even more and smiled flustered.
Masaki took the bottle so he could put lube on his member but, again, he was stopped.
“Are you sure?”
“About being clean? Yeah, I also did some check-up recently-“
“No, I meant…Are you sure you want to go all the way? We can still stop,” even if he were agitated, his tone wasn’t shaking at all; it was firm.
“We already crossed the line Sho, so-“
“Why are you doing it? Do you feel guilty, or you just want to get laid? What is it?” he asked serious.
“I-I…” honestly, Masaki didn’t know how he should have replied that question, but there was one thing he knew for sure, “I’m not doing this because I feel guilty, or because I just want to have sex. I feel something inside which is screaming for you, telling me to take you and to give myself to you. Do you know where it is?”
When Sakurai shook his head, he held his hand, brought it to his forehead, “Here and…”, and then to his heart, “Here.”
Sho’s lips started to tremble, as if he were going to cry soon, so he promptly kissed him, not wanting that the other man shed any more tears. Gently, he pushed him down and, after spreading lube on his length, he placed himself in front of Sakurai’s entrance.
“Trust me,” Aiba whispered to which the older man nodded.
He entered Sho with a mild thrust, not wanting to hurt him in any way, but went deeper soon since the warmth around his member started to take over his mind. By the time Masaki was fully in, Sho had become a panting mess, having his eyes closed and his back arching.
It was the first time they were in that kind of intimate moment; they were literally connected, and every kind of thought could have crossed Aiba’s mind. Only one, though, was repeating itself constantly.
“I could look at him forever…He looks so…” he didn’t have even words for describing it. The only thing he could do was caress Sakurai’s cheek and leaving a kiss on his forehead.
“A-Aiba…” his friend whined, his tone demanding. Right now, he didn’t know if he could still call him that though; there were too many feelings between them at that moment, ones which are not commonly felt between friends. He really wondered what, how and when things changed. Could it be possible that it took only one date for him to…
“Please…” Sakurai’s voice made him wake up from his thoughts.
“S-Sorry…I w-was just t-thinking…” he said between his pants, then he proceeded to take the other man’s legs and positioned them on his shoulders.
“A-About what?”
“About…how irresistible…you look,” he breathed right on Sho’s mouth before starting to move.
It seemed that Sho was going to reply, but any word which was coming from his throat was swallowed by a high-pitched whimper of surprise. He placed his hands over Masaki’s forearms and tightened them as the thrusts began to be faster and deeper.
Aiba was struggling to keep his eyes open, which wanted to close so he could lose totally to the pleasure. But more than that, he wanted to watch the beautiful sight he had in front of him: Sho shaking and shouting due to what he was making him feel. Yes, because it was him and no one else. It was Masaki the one who was bringing him to the climax.
Almost as if he wanted a confirmation that what was happening wasn’t just a dream, he called him, “Sho.” Slowly, the other man opened his eyes and looked at him.
“It’s really happening…”
He closed the distance between them and kissed his lips; he didn’t shut his eyes though and neither did Sakurai, causing their gazes to meet while their tongues were doing the same. It should have felt embarrassing, instead, this aroused him more, especially when the other’s stare was full of lust.
His hand moved down and went to stroke Sakurai’s member. At that moment the kiss was broken by the other man who stuttered, “I-I’m close…”
“Hold onto me,” he told him then.
As soon as Sho’s hands were wrapped around his shoulders, he lifted him up so that now Sho was on him while he was kneeling on the bed. The fact that now the other was meeting his thrusts half-way made Aiba insane and when his name was chanted in the most pleading and erotic tone he had ever heard, his mind was driven crazy. And when a ‘Masaki’ was said with definitely more intensity, he understood to have found Sho’s spot.
He started to moan Sho’s name and, while holding him as close as possible, he reached his climax, followed immediately by the other man.
Everything stopped at that moment, only their breaths could be heard in the room. He raised his head and met Sho’s eyes, which were staring down at him. Leisurely, they exchanged another kiss and embraced each other while still being connected.
“I…wish that this night would never…finish,” Sakurai mumbled, while he was running his lips on his birthmark.
“Me too…” he whispered under his breath, too lowly for the other to hear it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Aiba abruptly woke up due to the sound of an ambulance speeding on the street.
“What is it?!”
He forced himself to get up and went to the window. He could only see the vehicle becoming smaller and smaller at the end of the road.
“I hope nothing severe happened…” he told to himself.
Sighing, he turned ready for returning to bed, but when his gaze met the mattress, he suddenly remembered everything. All the happenings from yesterday and, especially, last night appeared in his mind.
Sho and he had crossed the line.
There was no trace of the other, though, but there was a note on the pillow’s next to the one he slept on. Sitting on the bed, he took the note and read it.
Morning Masaki, I hope you slept well. I’m off to meet my mother.
Thanks for yesterday. It was…wonderful.
Have a nice Sunday.
Sho.
He read it more than once, lingering on two main words: ‘Masaki’ and ‘wonderful’.
“Wonderful…” he said out loud.
He sighed and let his back fall on the bed. He turned his head and patted the surface where Sho had slept. Feeling as if it weren’t enough, he brought his face on his pillow and sniffed it, inhaling the other’s scent.
“It was indeed…”
If he closed his eyes and focus, he would still be able to see his friend underneath him, looking at him and moaning his name.
“Friend…I wonder if we’re still that,” he pondered.
He had too many things on his mind and this wasn’t good. He would end up thinking or doing something wrong, so he had to let his thoughts out, and fast. Also, the loneliness of being alone on that bed wasn’t something he wished to feel anymore.
He gathered all his clothes, which were still in the living room, and left Sakurai’s house.
“Hi,” greeted a sleepy Nino.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure.”
Aiba took off his shoes and entered his best friend’s house. It was almost 10am, meaning that the other was setting up for playing his games. Knowing that, he went to the living room and sat on the sofa.
“Go ahead and play,” he told the other.
“Okay…” Nino replied; his face puzzled.
What Ninomiya was playing was what seemed a new game, full of riddles and mysteries which you had to solve for reaching the next level.
“Why are you playing this kind of game?” he asked curiously.
“I have cleared all the other ones I had, and this was the cheapest one they had at the store,” the younger man replied while pushing button after button, trying many combinations for finding the solution of a complicated puzzle.
“You’re being stingy on games?!”
“I have to save up because next month a new console is being released and I have to buy it, plus, the games which come with it are so amazing and I have to buy those too,” he explained, his gaze still not moving from the TV screen.
He laughed at that, thinking that it was something he could have imagined. There could have been no way that Ninomiya was saving up on games for something else that weren’t more games.
“So,” the other man suddenly exclaimed, before continuing, “Why did you show up at my house on a Sunday morning?”
He stiffened. It was true that he came to his friend for talking about what happened with Sakurai, but now he was afraid of doing it. After all, he still couldn’t understand quite well why he did that. He let his emotions win over, but these emotions…What kind are they? This was what his mind had been debating since he left Sho’s flat.
“Aiba?” the shorter man called him, who had now stopped the game and had turned towards him fully.
He sighed and, knowing that Nino had to know, he confessed, “Yesterday, I slept with Sho.”
“…Do you mean ‘at’?” Ninomiya questioned, with a confused face.
“No, I mean ‘with’.”
“…’With’, you say?”
“Yes, ‘with’.”
There was a moment of silence between the two, in which Ninomiya was staring at him without saying anything, while Aiba was nervously playing with his thumbs.
“You did what?!” Nino burst out at last.
“I know-“
“You and- and- Do you know what this means?! Did you think about Sho?!”
“He tried to stop me, but I told him that I wanted to do it-“ he was cut off again.
“Why?! You are 36 years old, can’t you contain your sexual needs for one damn night?!” by now Nino had got up and was shouting right at his face.
“It wasn’t that! What I felt wasn’t something down there but up here!” he affirmed and put his hand on his heart.
“D-Do you mean…Did you fall in love with him? In just one date?” he looked at him in disbelief.
“N-No…I don’t think so- I mean-“
“Aiba, this is just pity and guiltiness. You are confusing your feelings and now you did something irreversible-“
“It’s not pity nor guiltiness! I would have never done that for those reasons!” he defended himself, him standing up too.
“Then why? Why did you do it?” Ninomiya questioned, his tone sounding fed up.
“I told you, I don’t know. Maybe I was influenced by yesterday’s atmosphere, since I made it as date-like as possible, but when I looked at Sho…I just felt something, and I followed it. Something right, not wrong.”
At that moment he heard the other man letting out a chuckle, he furrowed his eyebrows at that reaction.
“Wow, so you’re basically telling me that after years you’ve just realized how a beautiful and incredible person is Sho? It took you quite some time,” he crossed his arms smiling ironically.
“I’ve always known that, it’s just that-“
“That now that his feelings are going to disappear, you want him. You’re such a cliché: realizing how important is something just after losing it, right?”
Aiba was left speechless. It couldn’t be. It was impossible.
“What I had felt can’t be just a whim,” he mumbled, more to himself than to the other.
“Then, what? Have you always been in love with Sho but just realized now? Enlighten me.”
“Nino, I…” he didn’t know what to tell anymore, everything he said seemed to be false after what his friend had said.
Ninomiya sighed and shook his head, before patting Aiba’s arm and comforting him, “Look, what’s done is done. Sho’s feelings are going to vanish and you two will just have to act as if nothing happened. It might be difficult, but you can do it.”
Defeated, he fell on the sofa and rubbed his hair with his hands. Probably what Nino was saying was real, he was just misunderstanding due to the situation.
“Also, if you were in love with him, you would have done something years ago,” Ninomiya remarked, going to sit again in front of the TV screen.
“What do you mean with ‘years ago’?”
“Well, Sho had been in love with you since ages.”
“W-what? Hasn’t it been a year?” he stuttered.
“A year?! Man, we’re talking about many more. The reason why he got the hanahaki disease only recently it’s because it had started when he began to lose hope,” when he glanced at Masaki’s face, he further explained, “You know, about you loving him back. Well, I can understand him though. I would have given up way before than he did.”
As the sound from the game resumed, his mind stopped working. How could it be that he had never realized? Was him that blind?
“Aiba, relax. It’s impossible that it would have taken just a day for falling in love,” Nino reassured him again.
He nodded and whispered, “Yeah…”
Closing his eyes and sighing, he really hoped that his best friend was right.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It was Thursday. Finally, Sakurai will have surgery and heal completely. It was something to be happy about. They should all go celebrate when he would have recovered. Or so he thought.
In the last days, Aiba had been thinking a lot. Especially, he had thought about all the things that Sho did for him in all these years and he hadn’t ever bothered to look too much into it. If he had understood before, Sho would have not suffered and got the hanahaki disease. He would have already moved on and be in a healthy relationship with someone else.
Somehow, that image stung his heart.
He shook those weird thoughts off his mind and decided that it was better to take a break, so he stood up and walked up to the break room. Gladly, no one of his colleagues was around so he could be alone.
After having made himself a coffee and drank it, he put his hands on his face and let out a sigh of frustration. Why his mind had to be such a mess? Due to this, his heart too was being influenced. Or, was it the other way around?
Just at that moment, his phone buzzed and rang, signalling an incoming call. He took it out from his pocket and nearly dropped it when he read the caller ID. He bit his lower lip, pondering on whether to answer or not. In the end, he decided to reply, after all, it must be a difficult moment for the other.
“Hi,” he greeted in a low voice, almost as if he were scared of talking.
“Hello, Masaki.”
He inhaled deeply when he heard his name. Sincerely, he didn’t know why Sho calling him that way was affecting him so much. He just loved how his name sounded when coming from his lips.
“I won’t take up too much time, I just wanted to talk to you before…you know,” Sakurai said. Only from his voice, he could tell how the other man was worried.
“Are you at the hospital?”
“Not yet, my mother and my brother are coming to pick me up.”
“I see…” he said, before adding, “How…are you?”
“Fine, I guess. Flowers came out rarely in these days, I hope that they’re giving me a truce,” Sho laughed, trying to lift the mood up a bit. But this wasn’t what Aiba meant with his question.
“I didn’t mean that…I wanted to know how you were feeling,” he explained.
Silence came from the other end of the line, which lasted for a couple of seconds. His question was answered after a while, “Afraid.”
“Sho, everything-“
“Is going to be okay, I know. Thank you,” he finished the sentence for him. Surely, Aiba had been saying it quite many times for reassuring him.
“Sorry, I suck at comforting apparently,” Aiba joked.
“No, you don’t, you’re really good,” Sakurai affirmed, sincerity in his tone.
Suddenly, he heard a sound coming from the other’s end. Hearing Sho excusing himself, he concluded that it was the doorbell.
“I have to go now, it’s time,” he caught how Sakurai’s tone was shaking a bit.
“Sho…” he called him but realized to not knowing what to say. What should he tell him?
The other man waited for him to speak, but since nothing was coming, he spoke again.
“Masaki, listen carefully because I’m going to say it just once, alright?”
“Y-Yes…” he stuttered, not knowing what to expect.
He heard Sho taking a deep breath before he declared, “I love you.”
He didn’t have the chance to say something back because the other closed the call right after talking.
Even though the other time Sho had told him how he felt, he didn’t say those words; he only confessed to have feelings for him. But this time he said it loud and clearly, and there was no way Masaki could forget it.
His heart clenched painfully as it had never done and before he could realize, tears were falling from his eyes.
“Aiba…?”
Turning, he saw Nino with an alarmed expression, probably due to Aiba’s current state.
“Are you okay?” his friend closed the door of the room and approached him, staring at him.
“Y-Yes…”
“What happened?”
“Sho called me, he was going to the hospital and he told me that he loved me,” he said it all at once and fast and he hoped that Ninomiya understood him right away, because he didn’t want to say it again.
“I’m sure he is going to be fine. The surgery-“
“It isn’t that,” he cut him off before he could continue.
Ninomiya didn’t interrogate him back, he waited for him to speak.
“It’s just that…Today is going to be the end, right? And, I don’t know why, but I’m feeling as if I’m losing him. This is wrong though, because we’re not together or anything of that sort. Kind of a pity since we might have worked as a couple. Guess I should have realized sooner, right?”
He wiped the tears from his face, which didn’t want to stop, before looking at Nino. He furrowed his eyebrow when he saw how the other had his eyes and mouth agape.
“W-What is it?” he questioned confused.
“It really took you just a day…” Nino whispered, bringing his hand over his mouth.
“What do you m-mean?”
“You fell in love with him…”
He was shocked at the hearing of those words coming from his friend, who had tried in any way to make him reason over his emotions.
“It can’t be possible-“ he started but was stopped by Nino who started to pull him.
“What are you doing?!” he shoved away the other’s hands.
“You have to go to him and stop the surgery! If you really fell in love with him, and he will do the surgery, then you will get the hanahaki disease for unrequited love!” Nino explained agitated.
He stared at him in total bewilderment, not moving an inch. It was as if his feet were stuck on the floor.
“Come on, Aiba! There’s no time to lose!” Nino urged him, taking again his arm and pulling him. Again, though, Masaki freed himself and stayed still.
“It’s…fine.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s fine.”
“Aiba, you’re going to-“
“It’s fine!” he yelled at last, his tone and gaze deadly serious.
He supported himself on the nearest desk and affirmed, “I’ll deal with it.”
“But-“ Ninomiya was cut off again.
“Go away. I need to be alone,” he pleaded him, hiding his face in his hands and silently starting to cry again.
He didn’t hear anything back, only the sound of Nino’s footsteps as he exited the room.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Aiba tossed around in the bed for the nth time, by now near on giving up on sleeping. He opened his eyes and looked at the clock on his bedside table: it was 9am in the morning.
If he said that he got up from the bed at that hour, someone would think that he had slept well. Oddly enough, though, he had barely dozed off. And this was the third time in a row. Thursday, Friday, Saturday and tonight too, undoubtedly, he won’t manage to sleep for more than an hour or two.
“Time to buy sleeping pills I guess, “ he told himself, as he got up from the bed. That would have for sure helped his mind, but what about his heart?
Entering the bathroom, he stared at his reflection on the mirror, analysing his big eye bags and restless face. His gaze then moved down on his throat and brought his hand to his chest.
“I wonder when I’ll start to get filled by flowers…”
He couldn’t hide it, he was afraid. He didn’t want to face all what that disease implied, but he had accepted his fate. If only he hadn’t slept with Sho, if only he hadn’t crossed the line…
He raised his gaze up again and stared at himself.
“No, Masaki, if only you had realized sooner how much he meant for you and how much wonderful he is. You spent years on searching for someone, when the right person had been beside you for all this time.”
At those words, he let out a laugh and said, “Nino is right. You’re such a cliché.”
Not bearing anymore looking at his pitiful self, he got out from the bathroom and returned on his bedroom. Just when he had fallen on the mattress, his doorbell rang. And not only one time, but frantically.
“I’m here, I’m here, what’s with all this rush,” he muttered.
As soon as he opened the door, Sakurai stormed in, kicked off his shoes carelessly and let himself in, while babbling apologies because it was still early, and he had just barged in his house.
Needless to say that his mind was too sleep-deprived for understanding what was going on, so the only thing he could do at the moment was close the door and follow the other who had just entered his living room.
There, he found Sho stepping back and forth while playing nervously with his fingers.
“Really, I’m sorry, it’s just that I needed to see you and talk to you. I tried to figure it out by myself in these days, but I couldn’t so I’m here.”
Sakurai kept on talking without stopping, Aiba wasn’t even understanding if he was talking alone or not, so he tried to get his attention and asked, “Sho, are you okay? How did it go the surgery?”
“I didn’t go under surgery,” the other replied immediately.
“What do you mean?!”
“I was going to do it and before dozing off, due to the anaesthesia, I do remember to have been brought to the operating room. When I woke up, I found myself in my hospital bed and there I discovered that I didn’t need surgery anymore. Apparently, the flowers and petals went away by themselves since they weren’t showing in the screen in the operating room, you know, the one who was monitoring my chest. I told them that there must be a mistake but, indeed, I haven’t coughed petals at all recently.”
Sakurai stopped only for a second for regain breath and then began again, speaking in a hurried way, as if he wanted to tell everything he had inside his mind.
“I reasoned that I must have fallen out of love with you, but no matter how many times I tried to persuade myself, I could still feel my feelings for you. I’m sure that they are still here, in my heart, deep as they had always been, but then why the flowers went away? The only other reason for them to be disappeared is that…you know…but it’s impossible, right? I mean, it would be just too beautiful, and this is not a movie or an anime so- But still- I mean- What is it, Masaki? Please, tell me I’m going crazy. I can’t understand anything anymore-“
“I think that I love you.”
Sho’s confused stream of words was ceased by those six words, spoken in the softest tone Aiba had ever used.
“W-What…?” Sakurai stuttered incredulous.
“I know that it may be irrational, crazy or even wrong, but since that day I started to look at you differently and what happened that night was…You really slipped inside my heart and took control over it. Actually, I’m sorry to have not fallen in love with you sooner and made you suffer-“ this time it was his turn to be interrupted. Sakurai placed his hands over his lips and shook his head laughing.
“How many times I have to tell you to not say ‘sorry’? Moreover, I should say ‘thank you’, since you cured my disease.”
Only at that moment it hit Masaki. Sho’s flowers disappeared because he finally fell in love with him too, making go away even his suffering. Aiba recalled his words and finally convinced himself: these feelings couldn’t be wrong, crazy or irrational.
He took Sho’s hands into his, kissing the back of them, while staring at him lovingly. Instead of looking around, he could have just glanced at his side all these years. How stupid he had been…
“I wasted so much time,” he sighed sadly.
“I loved every single second I have spent by your side, no matter if you weren’t returning my feelings or not. So, let’s not think about the past and just focus on this new page. We will have all the time we want.”
Masaki smiled at that, liking this idea very much. Indeed, they turned the page from ‘friends’ to…
“How do you want to call this new page?” he asked, knowing that it was the other who should say it.
“Definitely ‘lovers’.”
Upon seeing Sho’s eyes watering, his own followed, so he took the other’s face in his hands and closed the distance between them, letting their lips finally meet again.
As they shared a sweet, tender and loving kiss, while leaning into each other’s arms, Masaki’s heart and mind finally reconciled as they came to the same conclusion.
“I love you,” he whispered on the other’s lips.
“I love you too,” Sho said back.
They smiled at each other for some seconds before kissing over and over again. They had all the time they wanted now, right?
End
